


Find Your Place

by PennanInque



Category: Horizon: Zero Dawn (Video Game)
Genre: Action, Adventure, After the battle, F/M, Jealousy, Nil is a complex character, Nil's backstory coming into play, Post-Canon, Side ships are a thing because everyone loves Aloy, Slow Burn, Traveling Together, bed sharing, injury and comfort, partners
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-08
Updated: 2018-05-25
Packaged: 2018-10-16 09:51:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 38,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10568832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PennanInque/pseuds/PennanInque
Summary: “So why are you still here?” she asked. “If you’re not sticking around for the feast, why haven’t you disappeared into the night to find your next bandit prey?”He gave her an odd look, like it should have been obvious. “I was waiting for you.”





	1. The Breath After

She would rather go back and bury Elizabet a hundred more times than have to deal with this.

The cheering, the stares, the crowds. It was like the “Anointed One” debacle all over again. Aloy had been an outcast all her life; she didn’t know how to handle the surplus praise, the ardent worship the town lavished upon her the moment she stepped into Meridian. She would prefer to sink into the shadows, be an invisible observer, just check in with Avad and disappear. She wasn’t these peoples’ savior. She wasn’t some god to be revered. She was a person.

The show of it all made her skin crawl.

And so she shoved her way through the sea of people, not caring if she seemed rude for ignoring their words or brusque for not acknowledging their thanks. All she wanted to do was talk to Avad, make sure the rest of her friends were safe, and leave. Go back to the Nora lands. Help her people rebuild.  She did care about the citizens, she wouldn’t have fought for them otherwise, but she was not made to be on a pedestal. She was made to act.

The Meridian guards were insightful enough and, seeing the determined beeline she was making to the Sun-King’s throne, ordered the people to make way. She still bumped shoulders with a few who tarried and knocked past hands that wished to touch her “blessed skin”, but for the most part, her path was clearer, less cluttered. At least she had enough room to breathe again.

Avad wasn’t on his throne, he was talking with his men, giving orders and organizing crews to search the rubble or tend to the wounded. As soon as he glimpsed Aloy however, he broke away in a pace that was just shy of a run.

He met her on the terrace and threw his arms around her.

“Aloy! Praise the sun!”

She stiffened. “Uh, hi, Avad.”

As soon as he had embraced her, he broke it.

“Forgive me,” he said, offering her a sheepish look. “Emotions are running high at the moment and I allowed them to carry me away. I am simply glad to see you. You disappeared after destroying the demon. I did not know where you went.”

“I had a personal matter I needed to tend to,” she replied. “I should have informed you.”

He shook his head. “What matters is that you are here now, and in good health.”

“How is Meridian?” she asked.

“A little worse for wear, but we will persevere. It will take a while to rebuild of course, but the Carja are known for their building. We suffered few casualties and the wounded are being treated as we speak. The people are in high spirits, believe it or not. The derangement of the machines seems to have vanished; they no longer attack unprovoked. And it’s all thanks to you.”

She smiled through her grimace. “It was a joint effort.”

“Always so modest,” Avad said with a warm smile. “We would like to hold a banquet tonight in your honour. Will you attend?”

“You know I don’t like the limelight,” she said.

 “You needn’t do anything,” he said, encouragingly. “Just show up. There will be plenty of food and your friends are all invited.”

When she still did not reply, he reached for her hand, letting his fingers grasp hers loosely. “After everything you’ve done, for us, for yourself, for the world… do you not think you deserve a break?”

“That’s not…” she trailed off at the look in his eyes. The one he had had when he talked about Ersa all those months ago. She sighed. “I’ll attend.”

Avad’s eyes lit up. “That makes me very happy, Aloy. If you require it, Olin’s house is still yours for the using. I expect you could use some rest.”

She shook her head. “I’d rather see my friends if it’s all the same to you.”

He smiled. “Of course. You’ll find most of them gathered at the Hunter’s Lodge. Erend insisted on victory drinks and Talanah ushered them all there for ‘mead and merriment’.”

Aloy chuckled. “That sounds about right.”

* * *

 

Nakoa died of her wounds. The fact left a lump in the pit of Aloy’s stomach and made her down an entire mug of mead. Varl reassured her that the dreamwillow they gave Nakoa gifted her a painless passing, but Aloy still felt terrible.

Thankfully Nakoa was the only casualty among her peers. Janeva had a few gashes on his legs where a corrupted sawtooth swiped him, and Uthid had a cut on his side from a bullet’s graze, but for the most part everyone was in remarkable shape. Teb said that All-Mother blessed them with protection while Erend praised his Vanguard steel. Either way, Aloy was happy her friends were, for the most part, in one piece.

The lodge was loud and boisterous as everyone reveled in their victory. Vanasha and Erend ended up in an arm wrestle that caused enough of a commotion that Aloy abandoned her seat to stand in the corner by Sona.

“Such a foolish celebration,” she said in her usual sour tone. “Real warriors commune with All-Mother after a fight and then carry on with their lives. I can’t believe my people are partaking in this turbulent bedlam. I have half a mind to leave them all here.”

“It’ll be over soon, Sona.” Aloy said. “I’m sure they’ll all be excited to return home once Avad’s feast is over. I know I am.”

“And where is home for you, girl?” Sona inquired.

Aloy frowned. “What do you mean?”

“You’ve made it clear you do not enjoy the reverent nature of our clan. You dismiss and reject the title of ‘Anointed’. You do not care for the Old Ways.”

A nervous turmoil started in Aloy’s stomach, retching itself through her insides and making her feel sick. The War Chief’s words rang true and Aloy had a horrible feeling she knew what was about to come. Had known for a while, just never wanted to acknowledge it.

“What are you saying, Sona?”

Sona faced Aloy with that burning look of hers, piercing through her soul.  That look that was so serious, so deadly… now held a gentleness as the seasoned War Chief spoke truth. “You will not be happy in the Nora lands.”

Aloy shook her head. “It’s my home.”

“Your home was with Rost, child.”

“But you are my _people_.”

“You are Nora, yes,” Sona said, “and you will always have a place among us. But look around you, girl. Look at everyone who has come to aid you, who would die for you. _These_ are your people. You do not belong in the Nora tribe, Aloy. You belong in the world.”

It was at this moment that Erend chose to stumble over. He trampled into a support beam and tried to play it off by transitioning into a relaxed lean. In his intoxicated stupor, he did not sense the tense atmosphere, nor did he notice the tears pricking at Aloy’s eyes.

“Aloooooooy,” he cawed, voice slurring a bit. “What’re ya doing over here in the dark? Come drink with ussss!”

Aloy’s brain buzzed and her stomach roiled. Everything was building up. And it was too much.

So she turned and ran out the door.

* * *

 

Weaving through the Meridian crowd, she ran until her legs ached and her eyes stung. She dashed past every face, not stopping for anyone. Objects were blurs, people were shadows. She needed to get out, to escape it all. But she knew she couldn’t outrun reality.

She made it to the city gate and collapsed outside the borders. Her chest heaved and her lungs burned, but it was nothing compared to the heartache she felt.

It wasn’t as if she hadn’t known she was different. She had known that for years, long before she learned the truth about her birth. She’d just thought that after the proving, after she became a brave, that maybe she could forge a place for herself, to be a part of the Nora clan without having to change who she was.

But Sona had been right. She didn’t fit in with the Nora. She didn’t believe in higher-powers and unseen forces. She did not fear technology, but embraced it – _conquered_ it. There would never be a day where she would adapt to the Old Ways. She knew too much of the world now to revert to a primitive faith based on superstition and faceless gods.

The truth bit into her like snapmaw jaws.

She had saved the world. But she had no place in it.

“I was wondering when you would bail.”

Aloy bolted to her feet, tears blinked away and forgotten in the rush of startled instinct. Her muscles tensed and her fists flew up, ready to defend against the unknown foe. She found him easily enough, reclined on the bank as if he hadn’t just fought for the salvation of the world. She dropped her stance and approached.

“What are you doing here, Nil?” she asked, confused. “Shouldn’t you be with the others?”

He tilted his head back to address her. “I could ask you the same thing.”

She folded her arms. “I asked you first.”

Nil chuckled and rolled to his side. Propping himself up on one elbow, he gestured to the city lazily. “I don’t belong there. I’m not for cheers and happy chatter or slaps on the back and clanking tankards. I’m glad the world isn’t ending of course, but I’m more for the quiet celebration and the personal reverie.” He glanced up at her, smirk in place and eyebrow tweaked up. “Judging from your hasty exit, I take it you’re the same way.”

“Yeah,” she said lamely. “It’s just… a lot to take in at once.”

He nodded. “Overloads the senses to be swallowed by such din. And I doubt the ‘Savour of Humanity’ role is an easy one to play, especially for a woman such as yourself.”

He gestured to the splay of grass on his left.

She joined him.

“So why are you still here?” she asked. “If you’re not sticking around for the feast, why haven’t you disappeared into the night to find your next bandit prey?”

He gave her an odd look, like it should have been obvious. “I was waiting for you.”

She frowned. “What do you mean?”

He shot her a knowing glance. “You’re a wild spirit. You can’t be contained, can’t sit still. The only life that will satisfy you is one of adventure and action.”

She stared. “So you waited out here… since the battle ended… hours ago… because you knew I would leave everyone and go off to live in the woods on my own.”

“Yes.”

“And you… what? Want to come along?”

He grinned. “Now she’s catching on.”

She sighed. “Nil, why in the world would I want to travel with you?”

He clutched his chest. “You wound me. I thought we were partners.”

Aloy got to her feet. “We _were_ partners. Three times. When there were bandits.”

Nil stood to join her. “And we worked wondrously together. We could sense each other’s movements, breathe as one, shoot as four. No one could stop us. We can have that again. I can see it in your eyes, I know you want that.”

“You don’t know what I want,” she huffed.

“I know you don’t want to stay here,” he retorted. “You don’t want a cozy bed or adoring tribesmen. You want the rush of excitement that comes from a taught bow, from the breeze of arrows loosing past your ear. You want a life filled with the unexpected. What could be more unexpected than traveling with yours truly, taking down bandits and rogues and any other bottom-feeding scum that crawls out of the underbelly of the world? We’ll follow that moral compass of yours into whatever den of thieves you want.”

He’d gotten closer as he spoke and stood nearly toe to toe with Aloy, his warm breath caressing her neck with ever word. His gaze scorched her as if they were peering into her soul itself, searching her for hesitance, excuses. She thought she felt the brush of his fingers against her hand, but it was gone in an instant.

“So what do you say?” he said, mouth caught in his typical lopsided grin. “I think I’m being more than generous here.”

She couldn’t deny it sounded mildly attractive. After her conversation with Sona, after feeling like she was suddenly lost in the world with no where to go, here was Nil, a friendly face offering her a purpose. And it wasn’t as if they _didn’t_ work well together, because Nil was right, they were a fantastic pair. But she couldn’t just drop everything and run off with Nil, could she?

Her voice nearly caught in her throat. “We would kill each other.”

“You already denied me of that once,” he said. “And I’ve since tired of the thought. Why would I want to end such a grand adventure? There’s so much more to do, so many villains to slay. You were right that day, Aloy. I was meant for more than death. Although I will gladly accept some wounds from you. Sparring together as we travel sounds like a delicious way to spend time. I shudder in anticipation just thinking of the thrill of it.”

She was crazy for even considering it. “This is insane.”

He laughed. “The rest of the world hasn’t exactly been normal as of late. I don’t think anyone will mind if we contribute. Besides, things will only get worse from here. Just imagine the fiends that will come lurking from the woodwork to feast on the wreckage of the war. You may have saved the world today, Aloy, but it doesn’t stay safe. It never does. We can help protect a lot of people.”

She scoffed. “You just want to kill rogues.”

He smirked. “Yes, there is that wonderful benefit.”

“So why not just go?” she asked. “You can kill people on your own. Why does it have to be with me?”

He gave her that look again. “Because you’re the only one that makes it mean something.”

Aloy sighed and closed her eyes so his couldn’t bore a hole through her as she considered her options. She couldn’t stay in Meridian. The crowds, the expectations, the stares of reverence, it would all drive her mad. Mother’s Heart would be no better, nor would any of the Nora settlements. If she heard the words ‘Anointed One’ one more time, she would probably punch someone.

Maybe Sona was right. Maybe she did belong in the world. Maybe she could find her place in the great, wide somewhere.

And maybe she didn’t have find it alone.

Aloy raised her gaze to lock with Nil’s. He held it intensely, waiting for her response.

“Can you at least tone down the creepy death talk?” she asked.

The grin he offered her was mischievous, but his eyes were bright with glee. “Well now you’re just being mean.”

 

* * *

 

[Support Me on Ko-fi](https://ko-fi.com/A14822WW)


	2. The First Night

After stopping for supplies from a kind merchant along the road, Aloy and Nil made camp in the middle of a clearing in the woods. The pink glow of sunset had already bathed the sky in a warm glow, so they gathered wood for a fire and laid out their newly acquired bedrolls. Seeing the wild look on Nil’s face when he held the canister of blaze, Aloy confiscated the bottle and set the fire herself with a drop or two. The last thing they needed was for Nil to dump the whole canteen in and burn a signal flare in unclaimed lands or worse still, scorch the entire forest to the ground.

Before they lost the last traces of light, they set out on a hunt. The forest was bountiful and teemed with plump fauna for their supper. They fell a turkey and a boar each, knowing from experience they would need smoked meat for the times ahead when hunting would be scarce. As Nil cleaned their kills, a satisfied gleam in his eye, Aloy arranged a small smoker from the scraps of an old, broken watcher. It was crude, but it would have their food ready by the time they set out the next day.

They cooked half the turkey over the fire that night, starved from travel and the remnants of the grand battle they fought earlier.

“It all feels so long ago,” Aloy said after a bite. “Like it should be years since we defeated Hades, but it’s only been a few hours ago.”

“Big moments tend to have that effect,” Nil replied through his meat. “The suspense of it all builds to a climax that makes the denouement feel insufficient. The prologue is always a calm, one that is such a stark contrast to the rising action that everything slows. You just have to learn to appreciate the tranquility of it all.”

She stared into the fire thoughtfully. “It seems like my whole life has been never ending rising action. I’ve hardly ever given myself a moment to rest. I’m not sure I know how to handle tranquility.”

“It’s easy enough,” he said. “You find something in the quiet that means something to you, and you let the stillness of the moment lull you into meditation.”

She gave him a pointed look. “Is that what you do after killing someone?”

He shrugged. “Sometimes. I actually did it a lot more when I was a kid.”

Aloy perked. Nil never offered much about his past. “Really? What did you think about?”

“My parents, mostly,” Nil said, taking another bite of his turkey leg. “Everything I did as a child was a reflection of them. I remember I was eight when I killed my first boar. My father had been training me with a bow for weeks and I wasn’t very good at it; kept hitting rocks and ruining the arrowheads. But one day my arrow struck right between the eyes of a male boar and the only thing I could think about in the ringing silence of victory was how proud my parents would be when I brought home the carcase.”

A soft smile spread across Aloy’s lips. “It sounds like you really love them.”

Something flashed in his eyes, but it was gone before she could name it.

“Yeah,” he said.

They finished eating by the time the final moments of day disappeared on the horizon. Bellies sated and muscles tired, they fed the fire, walked the perimeter one last time, and stoked the little smokehouse. Smoothing out their bedrolls, they began shedding their gear for the night.  

Their armor accumulated in a pile beside their rucksacks. Aloy removed her warrior’s circlet from her hair as Nil made to pull off his helmet.

She suddenly realized she had never pictured what Nil might like under that metal headdress of his. She supposed her mind had just assumed he had hair like many of the Carja she has seen in her travels, all tight braids or cropped cuts, anything short that didn’t catch on their helms. As he yanked the helmet off however, Aloy discovered that Nil’s hair was as unexpected as he was. It was razored at the sides and brushed back to keep stray strands from falling into his eyes. He did not tease it into thick strands as Rost had done, nor did he tie it back in Carja fashion. She did notice however, as he ran his fingers through his locks to loosen them, that there were smaller braids intermingled here and there.

She hadn’t realized she’d been staring until he met her gaze.

“Problem?” he asked.

He almost looked like another person. Smaller. More vulnerable. More human.

“I’ve never seen you without your helmet before,” she replied.

He snickered. “Did you think it was attached to me?”

“Of course not,” she said. “You just look… different.”

“Good different or bad different?”

“Just… different.”

He chuckled to himself as he unbuckled his holster, letting the conversation drop.

They settled into an amiable silence as they crawled inside their bedrolls. The ground was a rough comfort to Aloy, reminding her of previous travels and her past hunting trips with Rost. The night air was mild and calm, a slight breeze sweeping by to rustle the trees intermittently. The sky was dark but cloudless, the moon illuminating the clearing and complimenting the multitude of shining lights scattered across the heavens.

“What do you think they are?” Nil asked suddenly.

Aloy glanced at him. His arms were folded behind his head as he stared, bright eyed and transfixed at the sky. “The stars?”

“Yes.”

She returned her gaze to the night. “I’m not sure. The Nora used to say they were the freckles of All-Mother.”

His laugh rang in the silence. “That’s a lot of freckles.”

“Some people have a lot of freckles.”

“I’ve noticed.”

There was something in his voice that made it sound like was talking directly to her, but when she looked over he was still looking at the stars.

“I always thought they were the Old Ones,” he said.

“Really?” Aloy asked, surprised.

“Yes. There was just something reassuring about the idea that the slain could live on above us, watching and protecting us.”

“That’s an odd thing for you to say,” she remarked, “considering how many people you’ve killed.”

“I don’t believe every soul can live on,” he said. “Those who live tainted lives should be cast to the demons. When I see the light fade from the eyes of the wretched, I hope they fall into the deepest darkness. But those who are pure, the children, the innocent, and the people who fight for justice, I think they should be able to continue on, to see the contributions they made to the world, the people they’ve affected.”

She thought of Nakoa. She thought of Elizabet. She thought of Rost.

She sighed. “That would be nice.”

* * *

 

She was in Mother’s Heart, sitting around a fire with Teb. The tall flames kept them warm as they perched on logs side by side and discussed the years between their first meeting and the present. Teb held cloth in his lap and stitched the fabric as he listened to her tell stories of her childhood in the Embrace.

She was with Petra in Free Heap, hunched over a worktable and tinkering with bits of the forgewoman’s latest invention. They passed tools to each other as they worked, and took swigs out of the same water canteen. They filled the silence with sly banter and hearty laughter.

She was in the forest, bow at the ready and Talanah at her side. The sun was rising over the hill and backlit the imposing pair of Ravagers before them. She shared a look with her Hawk before pulling her string tight and loosing a barrage of fire arrows at the machines. The beasts roared and charged, and their hunt was underway.

She was in the banquet hall in Meridian, flanked by Erend and Avad as they ate supper at the impressive, imperial dinner table. Her plate was full of food from her lands and her cup with drink from Erend’s. The air was filled with their energetic chatter as they snickered and chuckled at each other with a sense of familiarity that only came from close friends bound in battle.

She was trapping with Rost.

The woods were bright as they ventured out to check their snares. Two had already come up empty, but their third held a rabbit that would feed them well enough. They walked together in that earnest companionship they had forged as foster-father and daughter. Every now and then they would stray from the path to pick off the wandering Watchers in the area, competing amongst themselves who had the better shot before moving back to the trail.

They were checking their fourth trap, talking about medicinal plants, when the darkness crept in. It seeped up from the ground and swarmed in through the air, engulfing the two of them in a black haze. The thick of it pressed into her lungs and she choked, looking franticly at Rost in panic. He was gasping for air just as she was, wrapped up in the skulking shadows that seemed to swallow them. She tried to scream, but no sound could escape past the smoke in her mouth. She reached out for Rost, but the darkness just consumed her hand. She started thrashing around, trying to loosen the grip the mist had on her, needing to get to Rost the more the life left his eyes.

“Aloy! …Aloy!”

Aloy jolted awake, a desperate gasp wrenching from her lips. Her chest heaved with each laborious breath and her mind reeled from the shock of reality. Her forehead was drenched in sweat and her hair clung to it in matted pieces. She had also somehow wiggled out of her bedroll.

“It’s okay, just breathe. You’re fine. You’re okay.”

Nil was kneeling beside her, hair tousled from sleep and shirtless in his nightclothes. He was holding her upright, bracing her back on his shoulder and grasping her upper arm with his hand gently to support her weight. The feel of his skin was a small but effective comfort, a tactile reality. Still, the dream lingered in the shadows of the forest night and Aloy found herself reaching for Nil in return.

“That must have been quite the nightmare,” he said, voice groggy. He must have just awoken. “You were flailing in your sleep. Are you alright?”

“Yes,” she said numbly between breaths. “Yes, I’m fine.”

She didn’t need to look at him to know he didn’t believe her.

“Would you like to talk about it?” he asked.

The darkness flashed back into her mind, devouring her friends, stealing the soul from Rost… She shivered despite herself. “No.”

His voice was a patient, soothing rumble in her ear. “It’s normal to be afraid of dreams, you know. They’re one of the only things in the world we cannot control.”

The laugh she barked out was short and skeptical. “That sounds odd coming from you.”

She could feel the vibrations in his chest as he chuckled. “I’m not without my own fears. There are plenty of horrors lurking in the crevices of my mind ready to assail me the moment I close my eyes.”

She tried to twist around to see his expression, but their position made the movement uncomfortable. “What could you possibly be afraid of?”

“Perhaps that is a discussion for another day,” he said. “All you need to know is that dreams are fabrications; they do not exist. Nothing can hurt you in your own mind.”

“The past can.”

“Yes, it can,” he said with a nod, his stubble brushing against her hair. “But it can also heal. You have to purge your mind of plagues, dominate what controls you. Your mind is your own and no demon has the right to dictate your thoughts. You’re a warrior, Aloy. You can slay the darkness hounding your dreams.”

She wasn’t sure if she believed his words, but the fact that he was here speaking them helped settle her racing heart. “Thank you, Nil.”

And then there was that rumbling chuckle again, like thunder after a drought. “After all you’ve done, it’s the least I could do.” He paused for a moment, assumedly looking at the horizon as he said, “Day will break within the hour. Shall we break camp and venture forward?”

Relief flooded her. After all this fuss, she wanted nothing more than to keep her idle hands busy and her frantic mind off that black smoke. She detached herself from Nil and stood, fixing her twisted clothes.

“Yes,” she said. “Let’s go find something to shoot.”

His mouth stretched into a mischievous smile. “Now we’re talking.”

They set about collecting their things; putting their armor back on, collecting the meat from the smoker, tying up their bedrolls. As they worked, she kept catching Nil yawn and felt a pang of guilt. Of course, she hadn’t meant to wake him up during the night, but he had awoken regardless and left the warmth of his sleeping sack to rouse and calm her. This too, suggesting they depart now instead of going ack to sleep, she realized was for her sake as well. He understood the need for her to _do something_ after an unpleasant night like hers.

As he turned to her, gear slung over his back, Nil flashed her that Cheshire grin of his, and Aloy felt grateful for his presence.

* * *

 

[Buy Me a Coffee](https://ko-fi.com/A14822WW)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the wonderful feedback, everyone! Glad you all are enjoying the story so far!


	3. A Rough Morning

Aloy swiped a fern with her bow in frustration.

She and Nil trudged through the woods, vaguely making their way south to where Nil had heard rumors of a ragtag bandit clan picking off stray travelers. The timid glow of dawn had just started to dust the sky and the woods were silent in the calm between the late night and the new day.

For Aloy however, it was a little _too_ silent.

“Did you expect anything else so early in daybreak?” Nil said from behind her. He was trying to keep the smirk out of his voice and was failing. “Dew has hardly settled on the leaves and the nip still chills the air. If I was a beast, I would still be resting in my den as well.”

“I’m surprised you’re mocking me,” she said testily. “Considering your background, I figured you would want to hunt something just as much as I do.”

“We both know my preferred target,” he said with a grin. “But that bandit hoard is a good day’s walk from here, if it exists at all. Why don’t you try some sharpshooting? Use the trees as marks?”

“There’s no challenge in it,” she grumbled. “I need something that will keep my concentration, which is why I was scouring for a moving target.”

“What about me?”

She quirked an eyebrow. “What about you?”

“Well, I’ve had a number of unsavoury characters use me as target practice on more than one occasion,” he said with a gleam in his eye. “I figured the same method would work for a huntress like yourself.”

She frowned. “I’m not going to shoot you, Nil.”

“Not shoot. Shoot at.”

“When it’s my bow, it’s the same thing.”

He grinned. “There’s that tenacity I’ve been starved for.”

She shouldn’t be surprised at this point. This was precisely the kind of behavior she expected from Nil. His gaze was bright and his muscles taught, ready to react to the slightest movement. He was practically beaming at the prospect of being shot at and yet it left her feeling conflicted.

She crossed her arms. “This isn’t very ‘genuine’.”

“Only if you hold yourself back,” he said.  “Come on, Aloy, I know you’re as hungry for action as I am. We can both benefit from a good round of hunter and prey. I assure you, we are on equal ground. Fiercer than you have tried to take me down, and I imagine their intentions were a tad more murder-driven than yours.”

She sighed and slung her pack off her shoulder. “Let’s get this over with.”

He gave her a white smile as he dropped his rucksack as well. “You’ll thank me later.”

And then he was off, dashing away from her to leap over a fallen log and disappear into the foliage of the woods.

Aloy rolled her shoulders. “Well, at least this should be interesting.”

She brought her hand up to her focus and honed in on his silhouette. Nil did not stay crouched in one place, but maneuvered around the forest, giving Aloy ample opportunities to fire at him. She loosed a few experimental arrows, testing his reaction time to hers, and was impressed to find her shots off by a good four feet. He had been right about them being equals. His agility and nimble footwork were on par with her own.

He ran out from behind a tree and transitioned to roll into the brush. Aloy fired into the thicket and knew by the resounding _thunk_ of iron hitting wood that she had missed.

“Come on, Nora! You can do better than that!” Nil’s voice called.

As he sped off to a new position, she pursued, shooting and missing as she went. He led her into a patch of particularly grouped trees and weaved through them. Her focus kept track of his location well enough, but his movements were too quick amongst the trunks to take a decent shot. She did have to admit that this chase presented no shortage of excitement. The adrenaline coursing through her offered a natural high, which buzzed through her system and pounded in her ears.

As the trees thinned out again, Aloy could fire once more. She shot a few arrows at Nil’s feet only to catch moss and leaves as he sprinted away. Another two loosed from her bow to hit bushes. Another three directly into the ground. He always seemed to be two steps ahead of her, a feeling that was foreign to Aloy, but thrilled her all the same.

Through her focus’ eye, she could see a rocky, cliff wall ahead of them. One particular jutting caught her attention. If she could just lure Nil there, he would be cornered. Intentionally firing arrows to his left, Aloy grinned to herself as Nil veered in the direction she was hoping for. A few more paces and he would be face to face with stone barricade.

However, as they grew nearer to the outcropping, Nil’s speed increased. Like a strider spurred, he tore towards the wall with such a vivacity that Aloy’s pace faltered. He would surely crash at this rate. Maybe bust his head open in the process. But as he came within feet of the rock face, he launched himself towards it, caught the brunt of it with his feet, and propelled himself off the stone and into the trees above.

He landed on a branch with preposterous dexterity and turned to loom over her, his trademark smirk in place.

“Given up already?” he called down.

She responded with an arrow in the trunk inches from his face. To which he laughed and dashed through the trees, resuming their hunt.

She was frustratingly close, her arrows landing where Nil’s shadow had been mere moments ago. It was harder to aim at a higher target, especially through the leaves and branches in her way, but she was tantalizingly near catching him.

As she debated switching ammo after firing another shot, she heard the bone-chilling _crack_.

It all seemed to happen in flash moments.

The branch Nil landed on gave way under his weight.

He fell through the air, unable to grasp anything solid as he plummeted.

The arrow she had launched continued its trajectory.

A gut-wrenching shout ripped from Nil.

And another when he hit the ground.

“Nil!” Aloy yelled, racing to his motionless body.

The first thing her mind registered was the blood. Crimson streamed down his face as he groaned and rolled from his side onto his back. Aloy dropped beside him and started assessing the damage. All his limbs were intact and facing the proper direction, so no broken bones there, he was moving on his own which meant his ribs where fine, and aside from the startling amount of blood on his cheek, he wasn’t bleeding. The arrow had grazed the side of his face and nothing more. Still, the gash there was deep, and weeping red.

Nil groaned again and looked up weekly to meet her gaze. He gave a weak smile. “That was fun.”

“That was reckless,” she said. “You could have died.”

“A minor miscalculation on my part,” he said. “I thought the branch would hold.”

“Can you sit up?” she asked.

He pushed himself upright slowly, moaning at the bruises that were surely forming. He rested against a tree and Aloy reached for her medicine bag. She pulled out a handful of Salvebrush berries and a clean cloth.

“Eat these,” she said, holding out the berries.

He didn’t move to take them. “I’m fine.”

“You fell fifteen feet,” she said, pushing the fruit into his hand. “Eat them.”

He grunted in reply and shoved the berries into his mouth in one go. After one bite, he grimaced. “Bitter.”

She gave him a strange look. “You’ve never eaten Salvebrush before?”

“Never needed to,” he replied with a shrug.

Blood dripped off his chin, drawing back Aloy’s attention. “Hold still, I’m going to clean this.”

She leaned in with her cloth and began dabbing at the blood. Working her way up to the cut on his cheekbone, she tried to ignore Nil’s brazen stare but found it difficult considering the mere proximity of him. Still, she trained as much concentration as she could muster on tending to his wound. The slash in his flesh was deeper than she first thought and she cringed at the realization that it would need to be sewed shut. Fishing through her pouch one more, she dug out some Grey Omen and her makeshift suture.

“Hand me your knife,” she said.

He shifted to his side to reveal his sheath. Aloy reached over, grabbed his dagger, and used it to slice and crush the Grey Omen until it resembled a poultice. She gathered it up in her fingers and brought it to Nil’s face.

She offered him a rueful smile. “This is going to sting.”

“Fine by me.”

Despite his words, Nil hissed as Aloy applied the mushroom paste. She let it sit while she looped fishing wire through her scrap needle. After a few minutes, she wiped the poultice off and settled herself near Nil’s face, primed to begin.

“You’re going to have to stay still.”

He shied away from her touch. “Just leave it,” he said. “It’ll heal on its own.”

She laughed derisively. “Yeah, in a month. Meanwhile you’ll have to deal with the constant stream of blood down your face, lingering pain, and the risk of infection. Now let me work before the poultice’s numbing wears off.”

He cast her needle a wary glance before turning his gaze away. “Fine.”

Aloy winced along with Nil as her suture pierced his skin. She knew that even with the Grey Omen, shoving metal through your flesh was never a pleasant process. Nil wasn’t exactly being an easy patient either. He kept leaning away from her fingers every time she came back for another stitch. Eventually she brought her free hand to hold his head in place. The whole ordeal was strangely… intimate.

She tied off her last stitch and cut the wire. Leaning back to inspect her work, she found it satisfactory.

“That should do it,” she said. “You’ll have to keep it clean to stave off infection. And even if it heals properly, you still might get a scar.”

He shrugged. “I’m covered in souvenirs.”

“That’s fine for you,” she said, putting away her supplies, “but I’ll feel guilty if you got a scar thanks to my arrow.”

“I wouldn’t mind being marked by you,” he said wistfully, grinning.

A warm heat crept into her cheeks. “Stop talking nonsense.”

“It would be an honour,” he said. “I would wear it with pride.”

She sighed. “Can you stand?”

He stood with relative ease, bemoaning his aches and rising slower than he normally would, but standing firm enough.

“Who gave you yours?” he asked once he was stable.

“My what?”

“Your scar.”

Oh.

“A kid in my tribe. He threw a rock at me when we were young.”

“What happened to him?”

Images of the proving. Fire arrows. Blades. The eclipse.

“He died,” she said.

Nil hummed. “Good.”

She glared at him. “He fell while fending off an ambush. He saved lives.”

“If one has the capacity to harm another as a child, they will be able to slaughter thousands as an adult.”

“People can change.”

He slid her a pointed look, eyes trailing up to rest on her scar. “Did he?”

She was quiet for a moment before she relented. “No.”

They began making their way back to where they stashed their gear.

“You deserved a better childhood,” Nil said.

“It wasn’t all bad,” Aloy said. “I had Rost.”

He glanced at her. “Who’s Rost?”

Her smile was bittersweet. “I suppose he was my adopted father. I was… um, left on my own as a baby and the Matriarchs of the tribe brought me to Rost. He raised me in the Embrace.”

“And he managed to handle you on his own?” Nil smirked. “An impressive feat.”

“Yeah,” she grinned. “He was amazing.”

“So where is he now?”

Aloy faltered, hesitating in her stride. “He… he died saving me. The day of the ambush.”

Nil stopped. “I’m so sorry, Aloy.”

“Yeah,” she said, her voice tightening. “Me too.”

He took a few steps closer. “I really am. The pain you must have endured… It must have been so difficult for you.”

Headless of her pride, tears welled in her eyes as she nodded her head.

In Nil’s gaze swam sorrow –real, _genuine_ sorrow, as if he was feeling what she had felt the moment she had been told of Rost’s passing. She had never seen so much compassion in a man, so much tenderness and understanding. The fact that he was wearing this expression, showing her true sympathy and meaning every ounce, made her eyes water all the more.

Nil gave her a small smile and brought his hand up to brush away her tears. “I may not know much of your relationship, Aloy, but I know he would have been proud of you. Of what you did.”

The sum of it all was too much. Aloy blinked and her tears escaped, rolling down her cheeks freely. A choked sob wrecked her throat. “I miss him.”

Nil moved his hand to the back of her head and guided her into his chest. He let her rest her forehead on his shoulder and cry out her sorrow as he rubbed her forearm comfortingly. Aside from that gentle touch, he kept his hands to himself and allowed her the time she needed to release her pent-up emotions through her sobs.

When her crying had subsided to small sniffles, he pulled back.

“Better?”

She nodded. “Yes.”

“Good. We’re almost at our packs. Would you like an extended respite or shall we move on?”

“I’m fine,” she said. “We can go.”

“Okay.”

He started off, his pace slow as he waited to hear her footsteps behind him.

“Nil?” she called.

He turned around. “Aloy?”

She tried to channel her gratitude through her quirked mouth. “Thank you.”

And there was that tender smile, that soft look in his eye. He looked like he knew the weight of a hundred men and bore it all willingly. It was both heartwarming and dismaying.

“See?” he said playfully. “I told you you would thank me later.”

* * *

 

[Buy Me a Coffee](https://ko-fi.com/A14822WW)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nil is afraid of needles :3


	4. An Eventful Afternoon

They saw the azure glow from the main road.

“Machines,” Aloy observed.

“Watchers?” Nil guessed.

“And striders.”

“Want to kill them?” Nil asked.

Years of experience had her reaching for her quiver. The pain and devastation the metal beasts had wrecked on her world since before she was born, since the battle yesterday, warranted a retaliation. Every fiber of her core screamed at her to notch her arrows, to sling her bombs, to hurl her spear. But after everything she had learned, about Elizabet’s hard work, the Alphas’ sacrifice, Gaia’s resolve… it just seemed wrong.

“The corruption is gone,” she said. “They won’t attack unprovoked anymore. Hade’s influence on them has vanished and they are Gaia’s again.”

Nil simply looked confused. “Is that a no?”

She sighed. “The machines’ original purpose was to terraform a barren planet. With the degradation no longer driving them mad, they have gone back to working the soil and building the mountains. We don’t need to fight them unless they fight us first.”

“Shame,” Nil said, casting her a glance. “I had been hoping to see the famed metal huntress in action.”

A haughty smirk crossed her face. “You still can.”

He raised a curious brow. “Oh?”

“There were some who also called me the ‘machine tamer’, you know.” Reaching behind her back, she clutched the shaft of her lance and brandished it with a twirl. “I for one am tired of walking.”

Nil’s face was one of pure delight. “I have lived for this moment.”

“Keep your aim trained on the watchers,” she said. “Last thing I need is a blast in the back as I try to override a strider.”

“With pleasure,” he smirked devilishly.

Aloy set her rucksack on the ground, cracked her tired bones, and shot off towards the machines.

When she drew nearer to the glowing blue lights, she slid into a patch of tall grass. With a brush of her fingers, her focus highlighted the whereabouts of the watchers and she marked their trails, keen to keep a wide berth from the pesky little scouts. Additionally, she identified the closest striders, coordinating in her head which she would take first to better maneuver around the other machines.

She concluded that the one grazing to the east would be the easiest pick. Once the watcher on her right stalked by, she crept from her grass to a shrub a few feet away. From there she moved behind a rock, against a tree, and back into some high grass.

It felt great, familiar. Like a lost friend she hadn’t seen in years. She’d been so preoccupied with the whole Eclipse ordeal; she’d had to spend her time tearing machines apart instead of studying or overriding them. This was the hunt she preferred. The anxious calm of it all. It soothed her.

But the machines could no longer be her prey. The corruption was gone, the beasts were tamed. They belonged to Gaia again.

She was just… borrowing.

She let out a sharp whistle and watched in anticipation as the strider perked it head. It glanced around the area, and, seeing nothing, trotted over to inspect the odd, shrilling brush. Her heart seemed to beat with the plod of its steel hooves as it entered the grass.

When the strider was a metre away, she struck, using her focus and her staff to access its data outsource. With a few routine motions, she unlocked the manual override and gained control of the creature.

The whirring of the process drowned out the ominous hum building behind her. She only caught a glimpse of the watcher in her peripheral before it leapt into the air. Frantically, she reached for her spear, but she knew there would not be enough time to knock the machine away.

The resounding _clash_ of metal upon metal rang through the air, harmonizing with the reverberating _twang_ of a bowstring and the _crash_ of mechanics hitting the hard ground.

The herd shot their heads up, blue light turning orange.

Aloy whirled around to see Nil coming towards her.

“You whistle like a glinthawk,” he said.

She harrumphed. “It wasn’t that loud.”

“Loud enough to send that watcher over,” he said. “You’re welcome, by the way.”

“I could have handled it.”

“I know.”

The machines continued to glow amber.

“This is going to be more difficult with them on alert,” she said, analysing the situation. She still needed one more mount. The striders were skittish, shifting around and darting their heads in all directions while the watchers scurried around and scanned the surrounding foliage for threats. There was a good amount of grass and brush along the edge of the herd that she could easily roll to, provided she could get there unseen. But there were no striders nearby.

Aloy reached in her pouch and pulled out a blast bomb. She handed it to Nil. “In three seconds, throw it.”

She didn’t even wait for his affirmation before she summersaulted out of the grass and into the adjacent thicket. Doing her best to run in her hunched position, she rushed to the best vantage point just as Nil hurled the bomb. The explosion startled the striders, making them rear up in fear before they turned and ran from the blast.

They trampled past her one after another until a single strider strayed close enough to her position that she could attack. She launched herself at the beast and quickly adjusted the controls to override the machine. With one final turn, she gained access, just in time to see a watcher lock onto her. It glowed at her an angry red as she hauled herself onto the tamed strider. She spurred her mount into a canter, heading back toward Nil and away from the hostile machine.

“Grab yours and go!” she yelled.

After an unsure glance and a second of hesitation, Nil inelegantly vaulted onto his strider and strode after her. Aloy veered away from a watcher flare and came up to ride beside him. He was awkward on the strider, unused to the lack of control and jostling. He glanced at her technique and copied her stance. After some shifting, some of the discomfort disappeared. He was a quick learner.

They easily outran the watchers. Aloy urged them on a while longer before slowing to a halt by a watchtower beside the road.

Nil smirked like they hadn’t just been in a watcher firing range.

“Well that was exciting,” he said. “You were everything I hoped you to be.”

“Glad I didn’t disappoint,” she said. “How’s the strider treating you?”

“It isn’t the most natural thing, having a metal monster heaving underneath you, but there is a certain exhilaration behind it as well, like smiling in the maws of a thunderjaw. Such strength and menace in a steel casing.” He grinned. “I think we’ll take quite the shining to each other.”

* * *

 

They rode for a quarter of the day, taking small breaks every now and then to let Nil walk off the soreness that came with riding. She had long since gotten used to the sensation, but she distinctly remembered the ache of her first long jaunt, so she kept on eye on him for any indication of discomfort, acutely aware that he would never voice it himself.

As the sun waned on the horizon, they stopped to make camp in the woods off the road. She set the fire while Nil walked the perimeter and did some light hunting. He came back with two rabbits to give them a fresh and hearty supper.

Nil kneeled at the fire, propping up sticks for a makeshift spit. He looked at up her curiously.

“So where did you learn that?” he asked.

She blinked. “What?”

He gestured to the striders, grazing peacefully at the edge of their camp. “That ‘override’ thing. The way you control them, like you’ve instilled your will into their very souls. I’ve never seen anything like it.”

She shrugged. “I took a corrupter down in Mother’s Watch a few months back and was curious to know how it could command other machines. I searched the wreckage and found this.” She nudged the corrupter core attached to her lance with her foot. “The rest was just trail, error, and cauldron hacking.”

He chuckled. “I should have guessed you had figured it out all on your own. I doubt there’s a force in the world that could quell that mind of yours.”

“It has its advantages,” she said casually.

He nodded. “It’s a good quality.”

They roasted their meal over the fire and scarfed the meat down within moments. They tossed the picked-clean bones into the bushes and prepared for the night. Aloy took her turn securing the perimeter and came back to find Nil stroking his strider’s neck.

“It’s not an animal, you know,” she said.

“Perhaps not in the traditional sense,” he replied, marveling at the machine, “but this beast has a spirit of its own. You can feel the warmth and hum of life under its metal hide, like a human heart pulsating behind ribs and flesh.”

“I thought you didn’t want to hunt machines.”

“I don’t,” he said. “There is no glint of desperation in iron creatures, no fear or anger in their eyes. But they can still inflict such emotions upon humans. I am simply admiring their strength and showing them respect. Isn’t that right, Marrow Bane?”

She raised an eyebrow. “You named your strider?”

“Of course.”

She heaved a sigh. “You know, one of these days you’re going to have to explain your naming system to me.” 

* * *

 

Her dream began as the other had.

She was with her friends once more: sparring with Varl, tracking convicts with Janeva, spying with Vanasha. The sense of comfort she had with each individual varied but was always the same in quantity. It was familiar and it was fun, a life of purpose with people she had grown accustomed to.

And then the black smoke rolled in.

It crept in from all sides as it had last time, engulfing every face and feature, tearing apart her dreamscape and replacing it with never-ending darkness. The same crushing feeling pressed down on her, like she was caught under a hulking behemoth. Her chest hurt and her breath was ragged.

She tried to run, but there was nothing. No trees, no buildings, no people. All reality was gone, swallowed by the overwhelming murk. She wanted to scream, to cry, to call for help, but the mist seemed to be in her throat too.

From somewhere in the ebony void there suddenly sprang the sound of a bow. A moment later a burst of fire erupted from an arrow, spreading vibrant light into the darkness. The flames licked at the shadows until they receded back into the ground, revealing a calming forest scene. She found she could breathe again.

A figure stood off in the distance, bow at its side with a notched arrow ablaze. It did not move, just watched over her silently.

Rost?

* * *

 

Aloy awoke naturally in the morning to find the sun already rising through the trees and Nil tending to the fire. His hair was still mused from sleep, but he had his armor on. 

“Good morning,” he said, voice still rough from morning grog. “Sleep well?”

She sat up. “Yeah… I guess.”

“Did the nightmares plague your dreams again?”

“At first,” she admitted. “But they dissolved.”

He smiled. “That’s good.”

They cleaned camp, repacked their bags, inventoried their remaining supplies, and met at the striders.

Nil pet the neck of his again. “What do they eat anyway?”

“As far as I can tell, they draw minerals from the grass and earth,” she replied. “The main purpose of striders especially was the test the soil for contamination, so they’re almost always grazing.”

“I see,” he said. Giving his machine one last pat, he came ‘round its side and leapt onto its back. The execution was much smoother than his last. “We’re nearly to the bandit camp. Ready to quench your thirst with a fount of sullied blood?”

She frowned. “No, but I’m ready to protect innocent people from vile pillagers.”

He grinned. “Two stormbirds, one lance.”

* * *

 

[Buy Me a Coffee](https://ko-fi.com/A14822WW)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for your generous reviews. They really give incentive to continue writing! 
> 
> Also I made up that thing about the purpose of striders. They're the vaguer ones.


	5. A Grim Twilight

As it turned out, Nil’s intel had been legitimate. It seemed however, that amidst the rumor-mill of Carja whispers, the information had been skewed. The tales told that the bandit site was small, made up of ne’er-do-wells with restless hands and hidden daggers, and lay within the ruins of an old Outlander shack near the mountains. There had been talk that some of the recruits were remnants of the old camps, rogues that abandoned their clans when the going got tough. Either way, the rough numbers never seemed to exceed a dozen men.

The fort that stood before Aloy and Nil was no hovel. She counted four watchtowers, three garrisons, and what appeared to be an armory, all surrounded by a high wall of rough wood and sharp pikes. There appeared to be two entrances, one to the east and one to the west, each guarded by a pair of sentries. Her naked eyes counted fourteen bodies within the camp and her focus found more than she wanted to count; near forty if she ventured a guess.

She cast a wary glance to Nil. “Not exactly what I would call ‘ragtag’.”

“I know,” he said. His entire face was a smile. “Isn’t it marvelous? So many abhorrent lives collected together— like insects scurrying under a rock, ready to be squashed.”

“Now is not the time for your morbid musings, Nil. We are here to keep these people from hurting others.”

“And we shall. But that doesn’t mean I can’t savour the moment. The foretaste of it all, as tense as a taught wire, coursing through the system like lifeblood. It’s truly a liberating feeling, cutting out the scum from the world. You’ve felt it. You know.”

“Whatever,” she said, flippantly. This wasn’t the time to dwell on the weight of Nil’s words. “Let’s get this done.”

He took a deep breath in and exhaled it with a white grin. “The air is sweet, full of anticipation and retribution. We shall purge their filth from this realm.”

She drew her bow and notched her arrows. “Follow me.”

They crept back to where they had dismounted their striders, opting to leave them in the woods to maintain a more surreptitious approach, and snuck down the hill. The two of them rolled into tall grass with a decent enough vantage point to pick off the scouts along the camp perimeter.

In unison, they took out the two guards to the west with clean shots to the head. Working quick, they dispatched the sentries in the towers and the remaining guards to the east. A few bandits noticed their comrades on the ground and went to investigate, only to have their hearts pierced as well. They continued this strategy until the body count finally reached a noticeable tally and the alarm was raised.

Dashing from the grass, they ran to the fort wall and climbed up the rampart. From the higher ground, they took down half a dozen more bandits as they scrambled to fight back. Archers began setting up near the edges of the camp and returned fire, so Aloy and Nil shifted behind a pillar, peeking out to hurl expert shots at their foes.

They had plucked three more from their ranks by the time the rogues joined them on the parapet. Nil pulled out his scimitar and slashed at the bandits foolish enough to charge at them while Aloy continued to loose a barrage of arrows below. As she pulled back to dodge enemy fire, she checked on Nil. He was holding his own extremely well, leaving nothing but fallen bodies and blood in his wake. She took half a second to acknowledge the fact that they were working in perfect harmony before she drew back and launched an arrow through the eye of a woman aiming at her partner.

Eventually the archers were all incapacitated and the bandits abandoned their long-range assault to an entire full-frontal attack. Aloy only had a moment to pull out her spear before a bandit sword clashed against it. She pushed against the onslaught, driving them back so she had the upper hand. From behind her she heard Nil’s voice, grunting but laughing in the throes of battle.

She swiped through outlaw after outlaw, cutting them before they sliced her. The bandits’ numbers were thinning, but that simply made them all the more determined to eliminate the intruders.

Aloy suddenly found herself surrounded by three thieves, one on each side and one to her front. Her head whipped around, trying to watch all their movements at the same time. She focused on their stances, the way they were holding their weapons. In a near time-slowed state, as they stabbed, she spun around, using her lance to deflect their jabs and knock the thieves back in the process.

She had a single moment to re-center before they struck again, but her years of training did not fail her. She dodged and bobbed away from their blades, taking a single nick to the shoulder before countering and bashing two of the bandits off the bulwark. The third staggered back and fell to their knees. Aloy approached, her spear aimed at the bandit’s heart.

She thrust down just as the bandit launched up.

Her blade pierced flesh.

But so did the other.

The air whooshed out of Aloy’s lungs, leaving her gasping wide-mouthed in abhorrent surprise and excruciating pain. The bandit’s knife jutted out from her torso and sent red-hot pangs of agony through every inch of her body. Grave crimson blossomed from the wound. In one fell swoop, all her energy left her and Aloy fell to her knees.

The world around her muted. She could hear the shouts of combat still ringing through the camp, the clang of steel against steel, the thud of bodies dropping cold, the death-chokes of bandits being slain.

She heard Nil bellow out her name in the numbness. Perhaps it was the aching delirium, but he sounded furious, concerned, and something else that drowned in the distance. There were a few more grunts and yelps in the muffled din before she felt arms around her.

Nil was at her side, blood on his face and fresh cuts on his neck and chest. His arms were on hers to keep her upright and looking at him. Her eyes couldn’t focus right, but she could see the distress in his expression. She also saw his frantic gaze glance down to the hilt in her stomach and the colour drain from his face.

She wanted to tell him she’d had worse. She wanted to say that she was alright. But the words didn’t come. There was no air to speak them with. Nor was there truth.

She could hear his voice, mumbled in the numb reverb of shock and pain, telling her to stay awake, to meet his eyes, to stay with him. She tried. She really did. She was just so tired. Everything hurt. Everything _burned._

She felt hands on her face. They pushed her matted hair away from her brow and gently guided her head to rest against something solid. She could feel skin beneath her ear and the frenzied pumping of a heart.

She closed her eyes, listening to the beat.

* * *

 

When she opened her eyes, she didn’t recognize where she was. The room smelled like clean cloth and fresh bread, but also like blood and cleansing alcohol. The ceiling above her was not her own, nor did it belong to any building of Nora craft. The air was calm and quiet, so she doubted she was in Meridian. She was on a soft bed, so she was not in the middle of the woods. The place seemed rustic enough; perhaps a cabin?

As Aloy moved to sit up and better take in her surroundings, a jolt of hot agony shot through her and she collapsed back onto the cot.

“Careful now. You’ll tear your stitches.”

She groaned through the pain in her stomach and tilted her head towards the voice.

Nil was sitting in a chair beside a round dining table against the wall. His knife was in one hand and a whetstone in another. He wasn’t wearing his helmet and his hair was mussed and unkempt, as if he had just woken up. Only it looked like he hadn’t slept in ages.

“You’ve finally rejoined the living,” he said.

“Nil,” she moaned weakly. “What happened?”

“You were stabbed,” he said plainly.

She frowned. “Obviously. I mean, what happened after that? Where are we?”

“We’re in Green River,” he said, “a small Carja village in the south. It was the closest settlement that I knew had a healer. You were losing so much blood and my lackluster medical abilities clearly weren’t going to staunch the flow, so I called for Marrow Bane, hoisted you up, and rode until dawn.”

“How long was I out?” she asked.

“Two days,” he said. “Well, a day and a half. There were some who thought you wouldn’t make it. But Lucia knew you would heal, said you were strong.”

“Who’s Lucia?”

“The village healer. She came running when we arrived the other day and spent a good hour mending your side.  She’s been in and out since then to check on your condition. She’ll be pleased to see you’re conscious.”

“I’ll have to thank her later,” Aloy said. She outstretched her hand for assistance. “Can you help me sit up?”

Nil put down his things, stood, and came to her side. He grasped her upper arm and with a hand on her back, eased her into a sitting position. The transition wasn’t exactly comfortable, the stitches pulled and Aloy’s torn flesh protested at the movement, but she was upright at least, and felt more like herself.

Nil’s hands didn’t move, instead they squeezed her arm gently and brushed along her back. She turned her gaze to look up at him and found an odd loneliness in his eyes. Neither his lips nor brow gave any indication of sorrow, but there it was, swimming in his stare.

“Nil?”

“You almost died,” he whispered.

“Nil…”

“I always imagined I would delight in seeing the light leave you,” he said. “I thought it would grant me such excitement, such _exhilaration_ to see the invincible girl get cut down. I had dreams about what it be like to see your soul fade from your eyes.”

He swallowed. “But when you were struck, all I felt was rage. I severed the remaining vermin in front of me, sliced them clean in two like they were nothing more than blades of grass, and when I went to you, the sight of that dagger in you shook me. While I reveled in the blood of others, the sight of yours was… distressing. And then I was holding you, and you were dying in my arms and all I felt was cold. My heart was hammering and stock-still in the same instance. You were losing so much blood, your eyes were fading and I was _scared_. You were almost lost and I… I just couldn’t lose anyone else.”

Aloy’s chest tightened. She’d never seen Nil so upset. She didn’t think she’d seen _anyone_ so upset.

“Nil,” she said gently, touching his arm. “I’m not lost. You saved my life.”

“I endangered it to begin with.”

“That’s the life I chose,” she said. “The life I was made for. Neither of us can change the way we are. We live for adventure. Sometimes adventure has a price. I don’t regret what we did.”

“I do.”

“You regret I got hurt. You don’t regret taking out those murderous bandits, and neither do I. We helped a lot of people. I’d do it again. I will do it again. It’s who I am. It’s who you are.” She trailed her hand down to his. “I’ll be fine. I’m tough.”

“I know,” Nil said. He leaned down and pressed his forehead to hers. “Just don’t do that to me again, alright?”

She grinned. “I’ll try my best.”

* * *

 

[Buy Me a Coffee](https://ko-fi.com/A14822WW)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops


	6. The Light of Yesterday

Lucia arrived a quarter of an hour later to check in on Aloy’s wounds. She was a sturdy woman of average height and kind expression, the fine wrinkles by her eyes and mouth portraying both her age and her experience. Her greying raven hair was pulled back in a series of braids that were swept up in a knot on her head to keep strands out of her face. She wore casual Carja clothes, spattered with small stains here and there from the blood of those long passed, and had a satchel slung over her shoulder that presumably held medicinal herbs and supplies.

She paused in the doorway when she noticed Nil and Aloy’s close proximity. She offered no words, but watched with an odd blend of curiosity, surprise, and cheek.

“I see you’ve finally awoken,” she said finally. “How are you feeling, dear?”

“Like I trampled into a mad Ravager’s den,” Aloy replied with a weak smile.

“I’m not surprised,” Lucia said. “We almost took you for dead when Nil came riding in with you. Your injury was quite extensive, young lady. You can thank the Sun that that knife missed your important organs, but you still received extensive trauma. You are lucky to be alive.”

“I’m told you’re to thank for that,” Aloy said, bowing her head in respect. “You have my sincerest gratitude. I owe you my life.”

Lucia waved her off. “It’s my job, child. Couldn’t just let you bleed out, now could I? Especially with _this one_ hovering about in concern,” she said, gesturing to Nil.

“I was helping,” he said with a grin.

“You were exasperating,” she said, turning to Aloy. “I don’t know how you handle him, dear. Nothing but a buzzing nuisance in a tattered vest.”

“ _Tattered_?”

“Nothing but strips of cloth sewn together. It’s unsightly. You should be wearing a tunic like normal hunters.”

“Weighs me down.”

“Tch, foolish boy. Don’t come crawling to me when you catch your death of cold. Off with you now,” Lucia shooed. “I must redress this poor girl’s wound and I already know you’re going to get on my nerves with your worried glances and voiceless words. Go see Redgar about having temporary lodging set up for the both of you.”

“Can you believe this?” Nil asked Aloy. “It’s only been a few minutes and she’s already nagging me worse than a queen with her kit.”

 “Go on now,” Lucia chided. “Get, get!”

Nil laughed as he was swatted out of the cabin. “Alright, alright, I’m going!”

Aloy watched inquisitively as Lucia returned to the cot and began fishing through her satchel.

“That boy hasn’t had a wink of sleep in the past few days. I ordered him to rest more than once, but he simply refused to leave your side. He never learns, that one.”

“You two seem close,” she observed. “Do you know each other?”

“Yes, child,” Lucia said, pulling out fresh linen. “I was the healer back in his home village. I tended to his cuts and scrapes when he was a boy.”

This surprised Aloy.

The idea was foreign. Naturally Nil would have been a young child earlier in his life, but somehow she had just… forgotten. She tried to picture a smaller version of Nil, running around a small hamlet with his family, playing with his childhood friends, but no matter what she imagined, nothing seemed to fit. Nil as he was was all she knew. Not that that was a problem per se, but…

“Was he always the way he is now?” Aloy asked tentatively, “so fixated on killing, so death driven?”

A shadow of grief crossed Lucia’s face. “No, dear. No, Nil was an energetic little boy with a full heart and a generous soul. Always so passionate about his endeavors. Always so contented to spend time with the townsfolk. He was like sunrays, bringing warmth and gladness to those he touched.”

“What happened?”

Lucia shook her head. “That’s not my place to say, dear. If you wish to know, you will have to ask Nil yourself… However, there is no guarantee he will give you an answer.”

She produced a jar of pink salve from her satchel and offered an apologetic smile. “Now, I’m sorry to digress from one grim topic to another, but I must check on your wound.”

Lucia instructed Aloy to raise her arms slowly and helped her out of her sickbay tunic. The movement was less than comfortable, pulling at the torn flesh in Aloy’s belly and the twine holding it together. The removal of the gauze around her middle was no less pleasant; the cloth of the wrap having clung to the dried blood, it tugged at the raw flesh. Once the linen was carefully pried free, Aloy was able to see her injury for the first time. The gash was in her right side, red and angry and as long as her fist. Aloy had seen worse lacerations among the soldiers and braves she had fought alongside, but it was another matter to see such a lesion in her own body. A wave of nausea hit her.

Lucia offered her a look of sympathy. “Don’t worry, love, it looks worse than it is. Believe it or not, your wound is healing nicely. There is no sign of infection and the inflammation has gone down significantly. You’ll be better in no time.”

Aloy hissed as Lucia applied the poultice to her gash. “Any idea when ‘no time’ will be?”

“It’s hard to say,” Lucia replied, rewrapping Aloy’s torso in clean bandages. “Everyone’s body heals on its own time, but you did suffer quite the blow. I imagine it will be at least a week before you will be able to move around on your feet.”

Aloy groaned. “A _week_?”

“What did you expect, dear? You were stabbed.”

“I know. I’m just… not one to be idle.”

“Sounds familiar,” Lucia chuckled. “Still, you are a strong girl. You will overcome this as you have all your trials. Now, you should get some rest. The quickest way to a speedy recovery is plenty of sleep to allow your body time to repair itself. Get some shut eye, and I’ll have some soup for you when you awake.”

“Thank you, Lucia.”

“You’re very welcome, dear. And don’t worry, you’ll be better in no time.”

“I’ll take your word for it.”

* * *

 

When Aloy next woke, the bright rays of daylight were shining through the cabin’s window. Nil was back, reclined in the same chair he had occupied the other day. He had his knife in one hand and a block of wood in the other, and was working it in silence.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

He looked up from his fiddling to rest his gaze on her. He was quiet for a moment, eyes scanning her for traces of discomfort or pain. He seemed pleased when he found none.

“Whittling,” he said.

She shimmied herself up on her pillow slowly so she could address him properly. “What are you making? Caltrops?”

He smirked. “While that is a marvelous idea, no. I’m making a ward totem.”

She raised an eyebrow. “What is a ward totem?”

“A small token meant to deter malicious spirits. It’s an age-old custom among Carja to present those you have imposed upon with a totem as a sign of thanks. It was one of the only traditions my parents insisted on when I was young. I guess it’s ingrained into me.”

“Who are you giving it to?”

He shrugged. “The whole town, I suppose. I might make ones specifically for Lucia and Redgar, considering their generous hospitality and aid, but as a whole, the citizens of Green River have been more than benevolent. Those are for you, by the way.”

He gestured to an end table in the corner. Fresh clothes lay in a neat pile.

“Your shirt was ruined from the fight,” he explained. “The village women scoured for materials to make you some new ones. Their sewing skills are quite admirable. I think you’ll be pleased.”

“That’s…” Aloy floundered for the right words, but found herself at a loss. “Why would they do so much for a stranger.”

Nil laughed. “For starters, you’re not exactly a stranger. Every Carja knows by now what you’ve done for Meridian, for the world. They simply want to repay you for saving them. Although it certainly does help that this town is more charitable than most. The souls of these people are perhaps the purest I’ve ever witnessed.”

“You’re telling me.”

“There is food for you as well,” he said. “Would you like some?”

She nearly moaned at the thought. She was famished. “Yes.”

Smirking, Nil rose and left with a promise to return with lunch. He was back ten minutes later with a bowl in each hand. He set them down on the table and moved to help Aloy sit up straighter. Last thing she needed was scalding soup sloshing down her front.

“Lucia’s specialty,” Nil said as he passed Aloy a bowl.

She took it readily. Bringing it to her lips, she took a small sip and recoiled. “Hot.”

“Would you like some chillwater to cool it down?”

“You can’t eat chillwater. It’s poison.”

“Odd,” Nil pondered. “It doesn’t bother me.”

“That explains a lot.”

She blew on her soup a few times. Nil sipped his, apparently not caring about its temperature.

“Lucia said it’s going to take a while before I’ll be able to walk,” she told him.

“That’s understandable,” he said over his soup. “Extensive wounds like yours take time and energy to mend themselves. But I know that isn’t what you want to hear.”

“I’ve never waited for my cuts to heal or my bruises to disappear, I always just kept going. To have to lie here for days, every movement sending jolts of pain through me, I feel so _weak._ ”

He barked out a hearty laugh. “Aloy, you are the living embodiment of strength. In all my years of travel and war, there have been few who could even hold a match to your brilliant flame. I have seen weakness, in the eyes of soldiers or the actions of men, and allow me to assure you that there is no feeble bone in your body or brittle thought in your soul.”

She set her bowl down on her lap and leveled him with an incredulous stare. “How are you so sure about me when you speak? Why do you have such unwavering confidence in me?”

He smirked into his soup as he watched her with that soft gaze he saved for their more intimate moments. Suddenly Aloy could picture a younger Nil, bright and eager and confident, untainted by the dark shadow that drove his lust for blood. She wanted to know what corrupted him. She wanted to purge it from his body.

His words strengthened her resolve as he told her, “You are the better version of me.”

* * *

 

[Buy Me a Coffee](https://ko-fi.com/A14822WW)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So last chapter did not incite many reviews, which both surprised and disappointed me. I love hearing your thoughts, so lay them on me!


	7. A Lethargic Week

Nil was in the same spot by the window when she awoke the next day. He was leaning back with a foot propped up on the edge of his seat. He had his knife again and was working on his totem. She watched him for a while, head still mauzy from sleep, and found herself zeroing in on the way his hands gripped the wood, brandished his blade, and smoothed over the surfaces he was creating with the pad of his thumb.

It was an odd juxtaposition to see Nil create instead of destroy. The only time she saw such a serenity on his face was after he’d slit a bandit’s throat. Now he seemed just as contented to work notches into the pine as he would thrusting a dagger into a rogue chest. There was a faraway glimmer in his eye, the kind Aloy knew she got when she thought of Rost, and she found it comforting. She fell back asleep to the sound of his scraping knife and quiet breaths.

* * *

 

The smell of roasted turkey woke her some hours later. Nil was in his chair, watching her rouse blearily with his signature smirk.

“I figured it was only a matter of time before the scent of fresh meat enticed your mind out of slumber,” he said.

She stretched the sleep away only to inadvertently tug on her stitches. She winced. “Weren’t you the one chiding me for not getting enough rest the other day?”

“Since when did you take orders from me?”

“Since Lucia joined your scolding and threatened to drug me if I did not sleep on my own.”

He laughed. “So she’s returned to that shrewd, old trick? Back in our village, she used to scare the children with threats of powdered elder root in their stew if they did not properly treat their scrapes. The children feared her while their parents sang her praise.”

As he spoke of his past, she wanted to ask about his childhood home. She wanted to know about his parents and his friends. She wanted to know what turned him into the man before her. There were so many questions bouncing around her head that had no answers. She wanted to understand.

Normally she had no qualms in being direct. If she wanted to know something, she asked straight out. But this didn’t seem right. Not now. Not when he was smiling this much.

His liveliness was a welcome reprieve from the ache in her stomach and the restlessness in her legs anyway.

She tossed him a sly grin. “If you’re going to prattle on, the least you could do is hand me my supper.”

“With pleasure,” he said, picking up a plate of meat and passing it to her. “Perhaps that will prevent you from interrupting with your sardonic remarks.”

“Not likely.”

“Good.”

She listened to Nil talk about Lucia and her old healing methods as she ate her turkey. The delicious food and the amiable talk made for a calming meal.

As she was finished, she caught sight of his ward totem on the table, clean cut and rubbed smooth.

“Is it finished?” she asked.

He followed her gaze. “Yes. This morning.”

“Can I see?”

He gave her a nod and traded the sculpture from her empty plate. She turned the totem over in her hand, inspecting the intricate details scraped into the wood. The trinket was something beastly. It appeared to be fashioned after a bear, but was warped and twisted into something more ferocious, more terrifying. The teeth were blades, long and tapering to deadly points in the creature’s snarling mouth. Its claws were equally deadly, sprawled wide and threatening in its giant paws. The lines of it all were crisp and fluid, as if they had been burned into the wood rather than chipped away. She’d never seen anything so intricate.

“This is amazing,” she said. “My carvings were never this detailed.”

His brow quirked. “You whittle?”

“Rost taught me. It was one of our quitter pastimes.”

“You didn’t mention it,” he said.

“I had other things on my mind.”

He glanced down at her middle knowingly.

* * *

 

The next day Nil entered the cabin with an extra knife and a hunk of pine.

“Thought it might help pass the time,” he said, handing her the materials.

She accepted them gratefully.

It had been years since she had whittled anything. Even when she had been proficient at it, she’d only made small figurines like foxes or boars, and the detail on them had been seriously lackluster. Still, as she dug her blade into the wood, she was glad to have the distraction.

* * *

 

The next few days had the two of them making little pine sculptures. They worked in companionable silence, pausing for meals and sleep. She was always careful as she maneuvered her knife, actively avoiding any strokes that would pull at her stitches. When she wanted a larger chunk of wood taken off, she would extend her figurine and Nil would chop the section off with one, clean slice.

At first, she had considered making a totem as Nil had, wanting to give the people of Green River something in return for their generosity. However, as she worked, she found her skill rusty enough to irk, and so she changed her sculpture into one of a prowling stalker. Recreating the machine took less abstract imagination than the totem required. She figured she could leave it as a present anyway. She wasn’t Carja to begin with.

Lucia came by in the afternoons to tend to Aloy and provided genial chit chat about Green River. She informed her that they were a small village by a hearty stream and grew rich crops for the main Carja cities. The nutritious soil allowed for fine produce and fair work. Indeed, most of the townspeople, Lucia explained, were travellers and vagrants seeking a place to stay and an honest pay. The healer herself had been one such wandering soul and she tittered that it was fate. Aloy was glad for her familial charm.

* * *

 

On the forth night, the dreams returned. Same as the last, Aloy found her serene fantasies invaded by the choking, black mist. She tried to flee to the best of her ability, but she always wound up surrounded, gasping for air. When she awoke in the dark morning with an ache in her side, she was covered in sweat and missing the close comfort of the companion she had grown accustomed to.

* * *

 

Lucia seemed happy with the progression of Aloy’s wound when she redressed it the next day.

“How is it feeling, dear?” the healer asked. “Any soreness when resting? Stinging pain when you move?”

“Only a little,” Aloy replied. “And only when I stretch certain muscles accidentally.”

“That’s to be expected,” Lucia said. “Your muscles are healing in addition to your flesh. Everything has to knit itself back together. It’s all quite a long process, I’m afraid. But you are mending properly, as I expected you would. We can begin building your body back up now. Slowly, mind you, you don’t want to ruin all our hard work, but a few walks throughout the day will do you a world of good.”

Aloy breathed out a sigh of relief. “That sounds wonderful.”

Lucia smiled. “Why don’t I fetch your dinner and we’ll see about getting you on your feet?”

When she returned a few minutes later, Nil was trailing behind her.

“I heard you’re finally going to stretch your wings,” he said.

She grinned. “So long as I don’t fall from the nest.”

She ate her food energetically, barely taking the time to savor the taste before wolfing it down. She’d had enough of resting, of feeling like a ton of lead, weighed down, helpless, and vulnerable. She was ready to move on her own. To see the town that had sheltered her for the past quarter moon.

Lucia and Nil collectively helped her off the cot and onto her legs. The ordeal was painful, her skin pulling and her torn muscles screaming as she maneuvered to stand. Still, the hands supporting her boosted her resolve until she was on her feet. She glistened with a sheen of sweat from the simple motion, but was standing on her own nonetheless.

“Are you alright?” Lucia asked. “Do you feel stable? Are you experiencing any dizziness?”

Her head swam slightly, but she shook her head regardless. “I’m fine.”

“Good. Now, take a few steps around the room to retrain your body. It’s normal to feel unstable after a hardship such as yours.”

Aloy did as she was told and took a few slow steps around the room. The lingering ache remained with her as she walked, but she was glad for the movement. She’d take a sore middle over lying in bed any day.

After completing a few laps around the sickbay, Lucia nodded encouragingly.

“That’s very good, dear,” she smiled. “You are well on your way to recovery. Keep a leisurely pace in your movements and be diligent not to strain your wound. You’ll still need quite a bit of rest, however I do not see a reason why you should be bedridden any longer. As I said, small walks throughout the day would be an excellent start.”

“Thank you, Lucia,” Aloy said. “Your help is greatly appreciated.”

The healer accepted the thanks with a grin. “I did the best I could. Though that isn’t to say that you’ll be completely restored after all this; you’re going to have quite the scar.”

Aloy shrugged. “Won’t be my first.”

“I noticed,” Lucia said. “Now then, I’m off to see Myra. Poor dear is burning from the inside and I’ve got to bring her temperature down before it hurts the child in her. Nil, why don’t you show Aloy around Green River? After staying here a star stroke, I’m sure she’s anxious to see the place.”

“Of course,” he said.

“I’ll see you both tomorrow to check in on things. And remember, Aloy, take things _slowly._ ”

“Yes ma’am.”

Once the thatch door had closed behind Lucia, Nil turned a smirk to Aloy. “Isn’t she deplorable? First she mothers me like a hen, and now she’s nestling you.”

“I don’t mind so much,” Aloy admitted. “I never had a mother, so I find her doting endearing. You do too.”

He chuckled. “She does have that brushing willow charm.”

Nil led her out of the med bay and into the sunshine. The warmth felt revitalizing on her skin, sinking into her bones and banishing the chill she forgot she had. The surrounding area was lush and green, and wood cabins lay adjacent to the worn path before them, lining the way to a campfire in a clearing. Stools and stalls circled the area and led to a grand lodge set on a hill, looking over the rest of the town. Amid all of this were rows upon rows of farming fields growing stalks of wheat, corn, and other precious crops. A few people roamed the trails and offered Aloy and Nil smiles and waves.

“It’s no Meridian,” Nil said, “but it’s far from a hovel.”

“It’s spectacular,” Aloy breathed.

Everything was calm. No bustling crowds or training drills. No yelling patrons or scowling tribesmen. The air carried with it freshness and pollen, not smoke or ash. Not a soul was rushing to her. No one was staring. Those who caught her eye only offered polite grins and hearty hellos. It was almost… freeing.

To think this had been right outside her door.

“That towering building is the village hall,” Nil told her. “The leader, Redgar, lives there and holds meetings to discuss matters with the elders and advisors. It’s a strange practice to some, but I’ve always been fond of the unorthodox. You should meet him.”

They began walking toward the village center, taking much smaller steps in order to accommodate Aloy’s shuffling. Nil matched her pace, standing far enough to give her space, but close enough to grab should she need assistance. He did not ask her is she was okay, nor did he offer to help her, he simply silently offered her aid should she decide to take it. It was a small action, but it allowed her an invisible choice, to which she was thankful.

They were coming up to a little house on the right when a small boy ran out the door. He dashed up to them, a giant smile on his immature face. He couldn’t have been older than eight sun cycles.

“Nil! Nil!” he called excitedly. “I saw you coming! Are you here to play?”

There was that genuine smile again. “Not today, Atol,” Nil said. “I have a special guest alongside me today.”

The boy shifted his glance to Aloy as if he had not noticed her until that moment. His eyes went wide and he hurried to stand beside Nil.

“Is that her?” the boy whispered. “She looks different. She’s pretty.”

Nil gave him a nudge with his knee. “It isn’t polite to whisper. Ask her yourself.”

The boy, Atol, steadily crept around Nil’s leg until he was standing before Aloy.

He shifted on his feet shyly. “Are you the hero lady my mother keeps telling me about?”

“Oh, um,” Aloy stammered awkwardly. “I suppose so.”

“Everyone says you’re really brave,” Atol said. “I wanted to meet you, but Nil said I couldn’t until you were better. Are you better?”

“I’m working on it,” she said.

“You have to get better,” Atol said decidedly. “Everyone was sad when you were really sick. Especially Miss Lucia and Nil. Nil wasn’t even in the mood to play much. He said he needed to stay with you. He would only visit once a day to make sure I was looking after Bane properly.”

“He’s been watching Marrow Bane for me,” Nil clarified.

“He’s really neat!” Atol beamed. “Mother told me not to go near machines, so I’ve never seen one so close! Nil said you tamed it! Did you tame it?”

Aloy nodded. “I did.”

“That’s so awesome! Can you take me on a ride? Nil says I can’t ride Bane on my own and he’s been too busy looking after you while you were sick. But now that you’re better, you can take me, right?

Nil ruffled the boy’s hair. “Not yet, Atol. She’s still healing. It’ll be another half moon before she can ride.”

Atol looked up pleadingly at the older Carja. “But you don’t have to look after her as much now, right? You can take me, can’t you?”

“Maybe later, scrapper-bait. We’ve got business to attend to right now, so go see if your mother needs a hand with the harvest.”

“Fine,” Atol sulked. “But you have to promise you’ll come by to play later!”

Nil chuckled. “Yeah, Atol, later.”

“Yes!” the boy cheered. He turned to Aloy. “You’re so lucky you get to spend time with Nil. He’s the best. He’s the best, right?”

“Uh, sure,” Aloy said.

“Go inside, Atol,” Nil chided.

“Okay, okay,” he said, scrambling to his front door. “See you later! Nice to meet you, hero lady!”

Once the door closed behind Atol, Nil waited two beats before his Cheshire smirk crept in.

“I’m the best, huh?”

“Seal your lips.”

[Buy Me a Coffee](https://ko-fi.com/A14822WW)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay! I made it a little longer to compensate!  
> Also, thank you all SO much for your reviews. I read and appreciate every single one of them. Please continue to leave your thoughts!


	8. A Dreamy Intermission

The guards at the doors of the village lodge took one look at Aloy and Nil and immediately opened the doors without so much as a word. The two were not asked to leave any weapons, nor were they questioned about their business, they simply strode into the vestibule freely. It was an action taken of respect, and Aloy was glad for the quiet acknowledgement.

The inside of the lodge was warm and welcoming. Red and gold tapestries hung from the walls and complimented the scarlet cushions strewn about for guests to rest on. A snapping fire crackled in its stone alcove along the wall, giving the space a gentle glow and illuminating the large table in front of it. At the moment, food and tableware was splayed on the elm surface, but Aloy ventured that during meetings, it served as a negotiating space.

A man sat at the head, eating grapes off a plate. He was an older gentleman, late enough in his years to be graying, yet he carried a sort of youthfulness about him. He did not eat languidly, but energetically, tossing fruit into the air before catching it in his mouth. His long hair was half pulled back and half wild, tamed only mildly by the braids woven throughout. He chewed with a smile.

When he looked up from his meal to see guests in his foyer, he beamed and jumped to his feet.

“Welcome, friends!” he chirped happily. “Nil, good to see you again. Aloy, it’s wonderful to see you’re mending well. I’m in the middle of lunch, would you care to join me?”

“Lucia already gave us a hardy meal,” Nil answered, “but the invitation is appreciated.”

“That’s likely for the best anyway,” the man said. “I’d wager Lucia’s cooking far surpasses my own.”

He turned to Aloy with a smile and an outstretched hand. “We have yet to be properly introduced. My name is Redgar. It is an honour to have you in Green River, Aloy.”

She grasped his forearm in greeting. “It is I who should be thanking you. Your town’s hospitality has been benevolent. I am indebted to you.”

“Nonsense,” Redgar said. “I’ve had it from a reliable source that you not only saved Meridian last moon, but the entire world. It is us who are indebted to you.”

“I’d advise you to stem the praise,” Nil said with a smirk. “This one shies from the sun beams. Besides, this conversation is an echo of one we had with Lucia.”

“I see,” Redgar said, turning a knowing smile to Aloy. “Humility is an admirable trait, young lady. However, it is also important to recognize the impact of your noble actions. You cannot ignore the fact that you saved the lives of thousands. They will wish to show their gratitude the same as you.”

“No one owes me anything,” Aloy said. “I did what anyone would have done in my position. I wasn’t going to just let the world be destroyed. I’m not a hero.”

Redgar nodded. “I understand your feelings, and out of respect I will mention it no further; however, bear in mind that there are some who would favour obscurity over the light. Your choice was not the default.”

“I’ll keep it in mind.”

“We won’t keep you from your dinner any longer, Redgar,” Nil said. “I was touring the Nora around, but her energy wanes with every inch of the sun. Lucia will have my head if she discovers I allowed Aloy to strain herself.”

The elder man laughed. “Yes, I have no doubt she would. Aloy, it was an honour to meet you. I wish you an expeditious recovery and please know that you are welcome to stay in our town as long as you like.”

She smiled. “I appreciate it.”

As she and Nil turned and exited the lodge, Aloy cast him a look. “My energy is not _waning_.”

“I know,” he said. “Redgar’s intentions are honest and he speaks true, but I know words of worship and heroism were not what you wanted to hear.”

“Thanks,” she said quietly.

“You and I work from the shadows. It’s normal to not want attention. That’s who we are.”

Her mouth quirked up. “Yeah.”

* * *

 

That night she dreamt of Elizabet and Gaia being devoured by the swirling void. She bolted awake with tears in her eyes, blood on her bandages, and screams in her head.

* * *

 

The following afternoon Nil took her to the fields. They surrounded the outskirts of the town, decorating the borders with lush vegetable patches and stalks of grains. The wind breezed through the crops, rustling the leaves and foliage, making them dance merrily. Aloy walked amongst the wheat, feeling the grass graze her skin as she carefully stepped through the rolling beige waves.

Nil held her hand as she lowered herself to sit on a hill overlooking the impressive display.

“We had fields like this in my village,” he said, dropping next to her. “When I wasn’t losing myself in the stalks, I would climb to the roof and watch the crops. The way the rays of light would play with the natural hues was mesmerizing. I stared at the rye getting swayed by the wind and I imagined the sea. My friends thought it odd. They preferred watching me cleave bark with arrowheads. And I enjoyed that as well, there was just something… centering about observing the way plants, painstakingly grown from seeds smaller than a fingernail, simply bent and adapted to the elements around them.”

Aloy tried to picture it all. A small farm, a charming town, an innocent boy. Try as she might, she could only draw a reflection of Green River. But perhaps now, in a calm moment all to their own, she could bring herself to ask.

She took a steadying breath.

“What happened to your village, Nil?”

A flash of pain cut into his face before he smoothed it away. “Lots of things. Conscription was a covetous glutton. War hadn’t even broken yet and the deranged Sun King was taking soldiers wherever he could scrounge. A third of our men were stolen by that insatiable brute. The rest of us fled when the—”

“Oh!”

A young woman emerged from the emmer field nearest them. Her arms were full of harvested stalks and little pieces of wheat stuck out from her plaited brown hair. She appeared to be Aloy’s senior, a good five sun-cycles older at least. She seemed embarrassed.

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t aware anyone was here,” she said. “I startled myself when I saw you.”

“That’s alright, Kiana,” Nil replied. He was wearing that natural smile again. An odd feeling roiled in Aloy’s stomach. “How’s the harvest?”

The woman squinted into the sun. “Oh, Nil! I didn’t realize that was you! What are you doing here?”

“Basking in the glow of the megacosm.”

“I should have guessed. Who’s that beside you?”

“Bundle your wheat and see for yourself.”

The woman set her harvest down in a neat pile and walked towards them as Nil trotted down the slope to meet her, Aloy trailing behind.

When they joined each other at the foot of the hill, Nil moved to the woman’s side, greeting her with a familiarity Aloy had never seen him exude. He flashed her his smile and she grinned back, her face lighting up. Aloy noted that she was quite pretty up close.

“This is Kiana,” Nil introduced. “She owns two of these farms.”

Aloy nodded respectfully. “It’s very nice to meet you. I’m Aloy.”

“I know,” Kiana said. “Forgive me, but you’re all anyone in our humble town can talk about right now. Don’t worry, Nil already spoke to me about your desire to leave the War of the Machines at Meridian. I won’t mention it any further than stating that it is an honor to meet you.”

Aloy looked at Nil and then at Kiana. “Thank you. That means a lot.”

“I am also glad to see you walking around,” Kiana said. “I take it you are healing well?”

“I am, thank you, but at a pace slower than I would like.”

“I understand,” Kiana said with a knowing grin. “Last autumn I was bitten by a sawtooth that had wandered into the fields. Lucia tended to me for weeks. I know the impatience well. If the bed fever becomes too much, come and see me. I could love to know more about you, hear of your travels. And I’m sure you could use a break from Nil. We can talk about things men don’t follow.”

Aloy smiled. It’d been a while since she spent quality time with another woman her age. “I would like that very much.”

“How do you like Green River?” she asked.

“It’s vastly different from Nora camps and the towering walls of Meridian. I happen to enjoy the peaceful air and small town hum. Everything flows so well and everyone has been more than kind to me.”

Kiana smiled, pleased. “We do try. Redgar does his best to ensure harmony is a priority for everyone living here. It certainly unifies the people. Everyone offers a hand to those who need one.”

“That’s very admirable.”

“Speaking of, we pulled you from your crops, Kiana,” Nil digressed. “Do you need help with the harvest?”

She shook her head. “Thank you for the offer, but I can manage just fine. Besides, last time you offered to help, my grain ended up in scattered bits instead of bales. Farming was never your aptitude, Nil.”

“No, I suppose not. My blade was meant for whispers, not wheat.”

A rueful look cast over Kiana before she forced it into a smile. “Well, I won’t keep you two any longer. I wish you a prompt recovery, Aloy, and don’t forget about my offer.”

“I won’t.”

Kiana raised a hand in farewell before turning back to her field and disappearing through the stalks.

“We should go back as well,” Nil said.

The ache in Aloy’s side agreed.

As they walked back into town, the image of Kiana’s poignant expression lingered in Aloy’s mind. The contrast between the fellowship she seemed to share with Nil and the bitter glaze that covered her eyes was too sharp to dissuade. Her curiosity was too starved to keep the question at bay.

“Why did Kiana look so dismal when you mentioned your blade?” she asked.

She almost immediately regretted the query as the same melancholy look Kiana had fell over Nil. He had that faraway look in his eye again, like he was seeing a ghost of his past. He heaved a quiet sigh, one he likely thought was kept to himself, and concealed whatever emotion he was too tired to feel. “She doesn’t like who I’ve become.”

* * *

 

The shadow engulfed all of Green River that night. Every soul that had helped her was eaten whole. Villagers she knew by face but not by name were swallowed up. Lucia and Redgar were chewed, Kiana absorbed, little Atol consumed. The feeling of guilt upon waking nearly had Aloy in silent tears. She would rather face Hades again than have to deal with these dreams.

She could see the hungry look in his eyes and the restless bounce of his leg as Nil whittled with her in the med bay the following afternoon. She could see it in his stance, the way he held his knife like he was pressing it into a cowering neck, the battle-craved look he would give her. They both wished she was well enough to spar, but the therapy with Lucia was slow going as it was. Small stretches were all Aloy could muster without yelping in pain. That wasn’t to say he couldn’t spar with someone else in the village. She hadn’t seen any soldiers walking the paths, but there had to be someone. Maybe Redgar.

He announced after their midday meal that he was going out for a hunt.

“What exactly are you poaching?” Aloy asked dubiously.

He shrugged. “Wild game. A boar, a turkey, whatever I can sink my blade into.”

She frowned. “Remember our deal, Nil. I pick the targets.”

“No human shall face my arrow, if that’s what you’re concerned about,” he said. “With your wound healing, the calm is settling in and the need is rising. I’m blood-starved. I need to kill something. Might as well fill bellies while I’m at it.”

There was a pause.

“I wish you could come,” he said.

She sighed. “So do I.”

* * *

 

Lucia bustled in a few hours later. She’d already been in to see Aloy in the morning, so the visit was unprecedented. She flittered around the room, checking for supplies in an alarmingly brisk pace.

Aloy forced herself up. “Lucia, what’s wrong?”

“Myra’s fever has gone up again,” the healer said. “She may birth her child prematurely.”

“Where is she?”

“By the well. She thought she was strong enough to fetch water to cool herself down. Foolish woman, after everything I told her... Regardless, her family is carrying her back to her home. I’ll treat her there.”

“Treat her here!” Aloy said. “Surely this is a better environment to heal her.”

Lucia frowned. “You are not yet well, child.”

“You said so yourself that I was recovering adequately. I’ll be fine, help Myra!”

“You are as stubborn as you are compassionate,” Lucia muttered softly. “Very well, dear, go speak to Redgar. He will show you to the quarters we set up for you.”

“Is there nothing I can do to help here?” Aloy asked.

“No child, there is little to be done with two hands let along four,” Lucia said. “However, as you are an adamant girl, I will remember to call for you if I require your assistance. Now if you’ve decided to leave, I suggest you do so. There is going to be a very pregnant, very senseless woman in here shortly and there will be no shortage of stern words and grimaced profanities in the air, I assure you.”

* * *

 

Redgar welcomed Aloy with the same exuberant cheer as he did their first meeting.

“Well, well, it’s been many years since a lovely woman visited me at such an hour!” he hooted good-naturedly. “Without her male companion as well, how scandalous!”

“You know very well Nil is out hunting food for your people,” Aloy said.

“Of course I do, my dear. It’s the first time he has truly left your side since you first regained consciousness all those nights ago. It’s difficult not to notice. Forgive this old man and his poor humor. What do you need?”

“Myra is taking my place in the sickbay.”

“And you need a place to stay,” Redgar said. “Of course. We took the liberty of furnishing an old cabin for you when you arrived. It’s nothing gaudy, there’s just the essentials, but the bed is warm and the tables sturdy. Nil told me it was a comfortable enough. I hope it suits your needs.”

“Nil’s staying there too?” Aloy asked.

Redgar’s brow furrowed. “Yes, dear, did no one tell you? I’m afraid we only have the one cabin to spare at the moment. Some of the old maidens protested that it was an indecent accommodation, but many Carja have rejected such old traditions. Nil said it would be fine. If you are uncomfortable, we can arrange something else, I’m sure. ”

“It’s fine.”

“Are you certain?”

She nodded. “We traveled together before coming here. Sleeping under a wood roof is no different than sleeping under the stars.”

Regdar smiled. “Fewer rocks in your back, I’d wager.”

* * *

 

The cabin was only slightly larger than the one they used for the medical bay. The layout was the same, two windows, a large dining table against the wall, chairs beside it and in the corner, bedside tables, and a small shelf. Along each side of the room were two beds, dressed, fluffed, and ready to slide into. Aloy had expected one bed, so the sight was a mild surprise.  

As Aloy walked around, inspecting the make of the furniture, the door opened to reveal Nil, bow and quiver slung over his shoulder, knife in hand, and blood unsuccessfully smeared away.

“I take it it went well,” Aloy said.

The ravenous look in his eyes had been replaced by satisfaction. “A good haul. Two boars, a goose, and a fox. It was refreshing to see blood that didn’t belong to you.”

“Did it help?”

He shrugged. “As much as game can. You don’t get the same rush. Animals have an innocence that humans often lack. It’s hard to revel in the light leaving them when their eyes show purity rather than sin.”

“You could have cleaned yourself on the way back at least,” Aloy chided. She spied a fresh water basin in the corner and grabbed the wet rag floating inside. “Wash the blood off in a river instead of wiping it off half-heartedly.”

“It helps stave the hunger,” he said.

“Hold still.”

Aloy ran the wet cloth over Nil’s stained skin, washing the dried blood away. A shiver ran through him, an almost comical sight, as the cool water ran down his limbs. She could feel his eyes on her as she worked, but kept her own on the rag as it brushed over his study torso.

She rinsed the blood out and moved the cloth to his face. Her gaze caught on the sutures in his cheek. “How is that healing?”

“You tell me.”

She wiped at the spot. His wound was dry, not weeping blood or pus, and was only slightly pink around the edges. The skin was knitting itself back together in the middle. “It looks good. We can probably take the stitches out soon. It’s a miracle you didn’t get it infected.”

He chuckled. “I was too preoccupied to sully it.”

Aloy finished her cleaning and chucked the rag back in the water. “You’re in charge of changing that by the morning. I don’t want to wake up half asleep and wash my face with your blood.”

“Fair enough.” Nil snickered. “So you are joining me here then? Not just dropping in to scold me and wipe me down?”

“Myra’s sick,” she replied. “She needed Lucia’s attention more than I did.”

He smiled. “So it’s you and me. Just like old times.”

She laughed. “Just like old times.”

* * *

 

[Buy Me a Coffee](https://ko-fi.com/A14822WW)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, a huge thank you to everyone for your amazing reviews. I adore hearing your thoughts! Keep 'em coming!  
> Also, I have the weekend off, so if you're nice, you might get another chapter by Monday ;)


	9. A Beat Before the Truth

The next few days became a routine of whittling, controlled stretches, and small walks around Green River. Nil accompanied Aloy most of the time, but would disappear every now and then to either entertain Atol or hunt in the woods. They ate their first few meals together in their cabin until they were coerced to join a larger group of villagers that shared their supper around the central campfire. Lucia had been the one to suggest it at first, and Kiana had seconded the notion. Around the pleasant flames and flavorful food, Aloy got to know more of the townspeople.

Sibyl had been the first to freely take the empty seat next to the her. She was a tall woman, built from years of tilling land and sickling crops. She offered polite conversation and ribbing jests between bites of boar. Nil told her later that she was Atol’s mother and that her bedmate was a gentle fellow, but traveled as a merchant and was often absent.

Nil introduced her to Brion, a looming Carja burlier than any she had seen in Meridian. He was a soft-spoken man despite his size, and told her that he had been a soldier before choosing a simpler life of farming. Nil informed her later that while Brion preferred a rake to a rapier, he was still a strong warrior with a fierce sense of protectiveness. Should she ever find trouble too trying to tackle herself, should he himself not be available, she should run to Brion. Aloy rolled her eyes and told him there was nothing she couldn’t handle herself and Nil smirked pleasantly.

She also met Lucia’s groom. Through all Aloy’s days in the healer’s care, the woman had not once mentioned a lifemate. Aloy was pleased to see that Otavir was just as caring as his bride and twice as jovial. While Lucia had a certain sharpness about her, Otavir was smooth laughs and cursive jokes. He brought a light air in his wake that assuaged tense air and troublesome silences. Before meals, he would tell tales around the fire. On a few occasions, he would bring a lyre and warble old tunes as he plucked tinny strings. He reminded her of the wandering bards she had come across on her travels, quick to entertain and easy to talk to.

Despite these fresh faces however, Aloy found herself spending most of her lonesome hours with Kiana.  The young woman seemed to have a keen sense of Nil’s comings and goings and would show up at his and Aloy’s cabin shortly after his departures. She brought with her a warm comradery that only women of the same generation could bring each other. Growing up an outcast, Aloy had never had the opportunity to calmly sit and chat with other children, let alone another girl; save for that small moment with Vala, may she rest in peace. She somehow felt as if she had years to make up for.

And so, as conversation comfortably flowed between the two ladies, Aloy found herself telling the Carja woman her entire story from start to finish. Kiana would sit beside her and listen attentively, offering comments and questions as Aloy went. The compassion and genuine earnest she showed Aloy made talking to her all the easier. It wasn’t often that people gave her honest sympathy.

Kiana herself did not go into great detail about her own past. Though Aloy brought it up one afternoon, half out of courtesy and half of curiosity, Kiana simply said that she was a daughter of a farmer and took up the trade after him. She did not offer anything else, and so Aloy did not pry.

Her nights continued as they had in the infirmary, the black abyss ever looming over her dreams and startling her awake to aching pain and restless crickets. Three nights in to her move to the cabin however, the dreams shifted. They began as they always did, the shadowy mist slinking in from obscurity to taint the tranquility of a peaceful midday jaunt. But as the darkness engulfed her friends and sucked the air from her lungs, a small light appeared. Warm and flickering like a fire, it hovered beside her, staving off the suffocating murk.

She thought it had been a fluke the first night, that the next time she lay down to rest, the shade would return to swallow her whole. When she woke the next morning with a dry forehead and a feeling of residual warmth, she became cautiously optimistic. When the next night came and went as the others had, she began to fear sleep less and less.

She wasn’t sure what had changed, why she suddenly had a disembodied protector, but when the light appeared each night to ward off the darkness, she thought she could hear a voice whispering to her. And it was probably her imagination, but it sounded like Rost.

* * *

 

“I’m going hunting today,” Nil told her after lunch.

Aloy nodded in acknowledgement. It’d been four days since his last outing, and she noticing him getting antsier as time went on.

They had settled into their shared cabin well. They spent time together in the mornings, eating breakfast and whittling totems together. It was an amiable silence, one that they had both grown accustomed to. When Lucia came to check Aloy’s wound, Nil would hover a few feet away, far enough to keep out of the healer’s way, but close enough to watch over the procedure. Lucia often times brought lunch with her for the three of them, but they would eat on their own every now and then. In the afternoons, they would either walk around town together, or go their own way. Most times they would reconvene around the town fire for supper, but there were a few instances when Nil’s hunt would stretch into the evening and Aloy would eat with the others. They always rejoined each other at night in the cabin regardless, each other’s faces the last thing they saw before nodding off.

It was all surprisingly domestic. If Aloy hadn’t been forbidden to hunt, she may have even enjoyed it.

“I’ll go visit Kiana then,” she said.

Nil grinned. “You guys are getting along well.”

“Better than I did with the Nora kids,” she said. “It’s nice to spend time with her. Like I’m catching up on my lost childhood.”

He gave her a soft smile. He’d been doing that a lot more lately. “I know what it’s like to be excluded. It must have been an enormous weight for a child such as you were. I’m glad you could regain some semblance of what you missed.”

“Me too,” she said with a grin. “I’ll tell her you said hi.”

“Thanks,” he replied as he reached for his bow. “Is there anything you want me to bring back?”

She walked to the table where his quiver rested against the wooden leg. “Anything but raccoon.”

“Okay.”

“And don’t die.”

He chuckled. “What’s going to kill me?”

She reached a hand up and brushed her fingers across the fading cut on his cheek. “Yourself.”

He covered her hand with his. “I wouldn’t do that to you. It’s just a little hunt to slake the thirst as always. I’ll watch both myself and the shadows.”

“Just stay out of the trees.”

He laughed. “You sure are bossy when you’re concerned.”

* * *

 

Aloy sat on Kiana’s cot later that afternoon. The Carja woman crouched between Aloy’s legs as the Nora worked fine braids into the other woman’s hair. Aloy had missed this in her youth as well, stay overs and gossip-mills and plaiting hair for each other. It was homey… calming. The act of weaving locks together was almost centering. She wondered if she could work braids into Nil’s hair.

“We can work on yours when you’re done if you want,” Kiana said. Her eyes were closed as she leaned her head back and enjoyed the sensation of another playing with her hair.

“Oh, I’m not sure you want to do that,” Aloy said with a nervous chuckle. “It’s been ages since it’s been combed, let alone washed. It’s probably all knots by now, full of twigs and dirt… likely doesn’t smell the best either.”

Kiana snapped open her eyes. A wicked grin twisted her mouth. “In that case,” she said with a devious smirk, “tie off what you’re working on and come with me.”

Aloy quirked a brow, but did as she was told regardless. With her braid done, Kiana got to her feet and helped Aloy stand.

“Are you feeling well enough to walk a while?” she asked.

“I suppose so,” Aloy replied. “Where are we going?”

She smiled. “It’s a surprise!”

Aloy went with Kiana despite her friend’s vague responses. She fell into step beside the Carja and tried to pry information out of her. Whenever Aloy asked about where they were headed however, Kiana ignored the question and changed the topic. After a while, Aloy gave up the fruitless endeavor and simply allowed Kiana to drag her along. Her wound had healed well over the past few weeks and only ached with heavier strain, so walking for a while wouldn’t hurt, provided the road was smooth.

The sun was two thirds of its way through the sky when they reached a stone crag. More than thirty feet high, it was nothing but sheer rock for half a kilometer either way.

“It gets a little tight from here, but since I can squeeze through, I’m sure you won’t have a problem either,” Kiana said.

“Squeeze through where?” Aloy asked, perplexed. There was nothing but cliff wall and flowering shrubs.

With a sly grin, Kiana strode to a spirea bush and brushed the leaves to the side. Behind the plant lay a chasm in the rock, large enough for a person to slip between. Although Kiana was right; it did look tight. She doubted anyone larger than Nil could make it through.

“After you,” Kiana said.

The sense of adventure that Aloy had been so starved for surged to life. Without a second’s hesitation, she ducked under Kiana’s arm and slid her way into the passage. Leaves rustled behind her to indicate Kiana had followed.

The crevasse was longer than Aloy has expected. Light filtered through the opening on the other end, so she had assumed the chasm was only a few feet long. However, as they kept walking, the tunnel seemed to stretch itself out and the walk took them further and further into the mountain.

When they finally emerged out of the passage, they were met with steam. Aloy nearly sputtered as the warm air surrounded her. She waved the vapor away and went slack jaw at the sight before her.

The chasm had opened up into a large expanse that could have been called a cave had the ceiling not receded away. Natural light streamed in through the hole in the cavern and cast a beautiful glow on a broad pool near the middle of the grotto. Steam rose from the water.

“It’s a hot spring,” Kiana explained. “We found it a few years ago. Many of the villagers prefer colder water, so they don’t bother with this place, but it is nice to come soak every now and then.”

“Oh,” Aloy sadly, coming to a realization. “It was really nice of you to bring me here, Kiana, but my wound is still healing. It might get infected if I go in.”

“I know,” she replied, “but the flowers outside can be mixed together to make a perfumed cleanser for your hair. You can lay on the bank and lean your head back into the water. I figured it was a good opportunity for you to wash up. After everything you’ve done, you deserve this at least.”

A slow smile crept up Aloy’s face. “It _would_ be nice to get this dirt out.”

After fetching the flowers Kiana described, the women re-entered the grotto and disrobed, Aloy at a slower pace as she minded her wound. They worked together to undo the braids running through Aloy’s hair and used their fingers to untangle what they could. Kiana helped Aloy ease herself onto a smoother stone by the edge of the hot spring and let her soak her legs while she crushed the flowers together.

“I don’t even remember the last time I had a hot bath,” Aloy said, swirling her feet in the water. “Growing up, Rost and I usually just boiled a pot of water and took turned rubbing grime off ourselves. Then on the road, I tended to just let the rain take away the sweat and mud. Didn’t have a lot of time for luxuries.”

“Well, you have time now,” Kiana said. “We’ll get you all cleaned up today, and then you can come relax here whenever you want during your stay here.”

“I will, thanks.”

Once Kiana finished with the flowers, she brought the gooey mixture over to Aloy on a leaf. She helped the Nora onto her back and supported her head from within the pool. She grabbed a blob of the flower gel and rubbed it into Aloy’s hair. As Kiana continued applying the cleanser, Aloy allowed herself to enjoy the sensation of the Carja woman’s fingers running through her locks and massaging her head.

“This is fun,” Kiana said. “I haven’t done this since I was little. My friends and I used to wash each other’s hair. We would talk about our peers, clothes, boys. We would tease each other about who we fancied, which was silly since there were only a handful of kids our own age and everyone always ended up fancying everyone.”

“I’m envious,” Aloy said. “I never had friends, let alone people to fancy.”

Kiana raised a playful eyebrow. “Oh? And what about now?”

Aloy paused for a moment. “There were a few people I met on my travels that were charming enough. Nice to look at, kind, good senses of humor, quick wits. There was nothing wrong with any of them, I just… never really felt that spark, you know?”

“Not even with Nil?”

Aloy jerked upright, splashing water everywhere. “What?”

“Don’t pretend like it’s a stretch of the imagination,” Kiana said, folding her arms. “You two have a strong relationship and it’s obvious you care for each other. The way you act around each other, how you’re rarely separated... Half the town thought you were lifemates the moment Nil brought you here.”

Aloy gaped. She could feel her face growing pink. “But we… I…”

“It’s not like he isn’t handsome. More than a dozen women in town fawn over him daily and over half of them would gladly invite them to their furs if he wasn’t so besotted. Even I would have killed to be in your position.”

Aloy stared. “Do you−?”

She shook her head. “Not anymore. I’ll admit that I was heartsick for him when we were kids, but he’s changed so much−”

“When you were what?” Aloy asked.

Kiana furrowed her brow. “When we were kids. We used to play together back in our home village. He was so charming, so nice. I remember telling my mother I wanted to wed him. But now when I look at him, all I see is a shadow of the little boy I used to play with. He became another person after everything that happened.”

“What happened?” Aloy asked.

“Huh?”

“What happened to your village?”

Kiana frowned. “You didn’t know? It burnt down.”

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the delay getting this chapter out. A lot of things happened recently and I just haven't been able to hammer it out. Luckily everything has calmed down and I should be able to write more frequently.  
> Big thanks to everyone who reviewed. Your lovely words of encouragement really boosted my morale!  
> Sorry to repay you with a cliffhanger. 
> 
> #butthat'sokaybecausetherewillbeanakedNilinthenextchapter


	10. The Broken Barrier

She was in a tank, looking out on a world that moved like sap running down a maple tree. The water around her seemed to swallow her whole, the cool liquid muffling the sounds around her and distorting them into a chorus of murmurs. Her body was numb and aching. Pain resonated in her head, her side, and her heart.

Slowly, she brought the world back into focus.

“What…” Aloy said. “What do you mean it burnt down?”

Kiana tilted her head. “I mean it _burnt down._ ”

Images of Mother’s Watch flashed before her. The strong Nora lodges that took months to build, destroyed in a matter of moments. The homes of the people who helped her on her journey, that gave her shelter when she was tired and provisions for the road, razed to the ground by a scarlet monster. The memories she had of Teersa, of the one woman who looked beyond Aloy’s outcast status to see her true potential, were suddenly reduced to ash. She remembered very well the sting she had felt when she saw the charred remains of the settlement. Even now her chest ached at the thought of it.

“What happened?” Aloy asked.

“There was a fire,” Kiana began. “None of us really know how it started, but one day we just woke up to snapping flames and grey smoke. The season had been dry; we had to water our crops with buckets from the stream. It didn’t take long before the flames spread through the parched wood and engulfed the whole village.

“Many of us suffered burns and we had a few causalities as well,” Kiana continued, her face melancholy. “The flames consumed all our crops and two-thirds of the livestock. Our homes and buildings had all been reduced to smouldering heaps of charcoal. Nothing was salvageable. The only things we had left to our names were whatever we had had on us at the time.”

She fidgeted in the water, swirling her fingers along the surface as if to distract herself from the bitter recollection. “With our home destroyed, we needed a place to stay. Most of us stayed together to search for a new home, but a few villagers went off on their own. Nil was one of them.”

“Why did he leave?” Aloy asked.

“Six of our people were claimed by the fire that day. Nil’s parents had been some of the lost and a part of Nil was lost along with them.”

Getting stabbed hurt less than this. Aloy felt like her entire body had suddenly gained four-hundred pounds. She felt such grief, such sorrow and sympathy for the man that had inevitably become her partner. The way he spoke of his parents, the wistful look that crossed his face whenever he mentioned them… Looking back on it all… Her throat burned.

“Where did he go?” Aloy rasped.

Kiana watched her carefully, clearly noticing the effect her words had on the woman across from her.

“He ventured off without so much as a word with his bow and knife in tow,” she said. “We didn’t know where he went, he just slipped away and disappeared into the forest. We had no idea where he had gone. We didn’t even see so much of a hair of him until a few months into the war’s capstone. Soldiers had been sent by the king to patrol the borders from sunup to sundown. We were still searching for a reasonable place to begin our new settlement and were resting in a town to the East when a troupe marched by. The soldiers were just passing through, making their rounds and searching for enemy spies, but I saw him in the crowd, marching with the other guards. It was strange to see him so grown up, let alone in Carja armour. He didn’t notice us, he simply kept in line with the other guards and stared into the horizon as if he was somewhere else.

“I didn’t see him again until I was in Meridian trading for new farming equipment to cultivate our new town. The new king Avad had called for an investigation into war crimes. A man emerged from the crowd and offered to receive punishment for his actions during the war.”

“Nil,” Aloy said.

Kiana nodded. “Nil. I was shocked and horrified. But at the same time, I had heard stories, as we all had, of the Carja Shadow. There had been thousands of rumours about the soldier who could silently slink into the enemy’s ranks and fall a dozen men with a single slash of his knife. The last image those soldiers were left with was a flash of red and a wicked smile. The loss of his parents and the war effort had changed Nil, morphed him into a blood-hungry killer with only a shred of morality to keep him from a lifetime in Sunstone Rock.”

Aloy bristled. “He had enough to confess to Avad and serve two years.”

“Yes,” Kiana admitted. “And that hint of honour was what kept me from driving him out of Green River when he walked through our gate three years later.”

“He came here?” Aloy asked.

“One day he waltzed through the fields with a gash in his shoulder and he called for Lucia,” she said. “She saved his life and then a second later rapped him across the head for not visiting sooner. I avoided him most of the time he was recovering, not knowing how I would face him. I had heard too much, seen too much. He wasn’t the boy I knew anymore.

“But two weeks into his stay, he sought me out, all smiles and charm like he used to be. At first I thought the rumors had been wrong, that some other red-haired soldier was the Carja Shadow, but as we continued to talk, I saw the darkness flash across his face and my heart sunk. He must have seen my face fall, because the next day he was gone.

“He came back a few months later, scar on his shoulder from the wound he didn’t let heal, bearing game for our supper. He stayed a few nights, filling our stores with food before setting off again. It became a pattern. He would appear a few times a year to make sure we were well off, carrying new scars each time, and then disappeared into the night. Our relationship slowly rebuilt itself during those stays, but we would never be the way we used to.”

Her mouth quirked up. “I suppose it was for best. He met you after all. And you seem to bring out his humanity.”

“I wouldn’t say that,” Aloy said.

“Perhaps not. But he has something to care for again and someone to understand him. He never got that with us. After the fire, losing his parents, and everything during the war, he was fractured. You’re healing him, whether you notice it or not.”

Aloy had to force herself to breathe. Her mouth was dry and her temples throbbed a harsh beat. She had certainly gotten answers, but at the same time, her mind reeled with questions. Ones she wasn’t sure she was capable of asking. How would she face him now that she knew? And how would he react?

Kiana watched Aloy silently fret, the Nora’s vacant stare trained on the ripples in the spring. Reaching a gentle hand, Kiana lay her fingers on top of Aloy’s and offered her a reassuring smile.

“It’s going to be fine. He’s still the same man you know. I’m sure if you just talk to him, you’ll both feel better.”

Aloy’s mouth lifted slightly. “You’re probably right.”

“Of course I am,” Kiana said, grinning. “Now, let’s wash that cleanser out before it drips into your eyes. If I bring you back all bloodshot, I’ll never hear the end of it.”

* * *

 

A chorus of restless crickets was coaxing the sun under the horizon and he still hadn’t returned. She had had supper alone, her head too full to converse with Sibyl or Brion and her soul too heavy to laugh at Otavir’s jokes. Kiana must have said something to them during the meal for after the first few attempts at conversation, they let her eat in peace. She was grateful. She needed the air.

After eating, she returned to the cabin and half debated venturing into the forest to either drag Nil back, or speak with him right there in the woods. However, with her wound, she knew that even if the villagers didn’t catch her leaving and immediately send her back, the trek would not be pleasant. She still had trouble climbing stairs and walking down inclines let alone stepping over roots and logs on a mossy hill.

So she stayed in her cabin, pacing around the room impatiently. Of all the days for him to be late. The knowledge of the past, the need to know his side, it ate away at her. She almost clawed at her stitches just to feel some other pain than the one corroding her insides. She wanted to yell. She wanted to throw up. But mostly she just wanted to cry.

It was like losing Rost, but different. Her empathy had never made another person’s loss feel as personal as this. To know that Nil had had a normal life, a loving mother and father, only to have it all snatched away… for the sting of it all to drive him to the battlefield, to sire his deep-seeded need to see blood on his knife… It was like someone had placed a young Nil next to Rost when the explosion went off.

She was still circling the room when the door opened.

“The universe sends you its spite, Nora. It seemed every racoon within five miles scampered out of the ground and across my—what’s wrong?”

Nil stood frozen in the doorway, eyes wide as he stared at Aloy with concern.

She gave a dismal smile as tears threatened to well. “Kiana told me. About your village, the fire… your parents.”

Tension swept out of his shoulders. “That was a long time ago,” he said, smiling as if he hadn’t gone through hell and back before his sixteenth year.

“It still happened,” Aloy said.

He shrugged. “Time heals. The past doesn’t bother me anymore. Its ghost shouldn’t bother you now.”

“Why not?” she asked bitterly. “I still feel the bite of being an outcast, I’m allowed to feel grief for my friend’s loss.”

“Your duty is not to mourn my childhood,” he said, coming to her.

With a blink, the tears fell. “You went through so much hardship.”

“So did you.”

“That doesn’t change the fact that your parents died, Nil! It doesn’t delete the years you spent in the war.”

“It doesn’t. But you are already burdened with enough problems. You don’t need to shoulder mine of years past.”

“Don’t tell me what to feel!” she yelled.

He gave her no reply.

They stood in front of each other, eyes locked, wet tears tracking down Aloy’s face. She was angry and distressed. He was sombre save for a regretful glint in his expression.

“Can’t you understand that my pain is yours?” she said eventually.

“You waste your sympathy on me,” he replied.

“You insult us both if you truly believe that,” she said. “Are we not partners? Am I not permitted to care about the things that left you scarred?”

Nil brushed a fresh tear from Aloy’s cheek with the pad of his thumb. “I have suffered enough from the past. I never wanted you to have to bear that misery as well.”

“That is my choice.”

He smiled half-heartedly. “I suppose you are right. Who am I to carry the weight of others in the sling of my quiver and not let a companion take wing of my own albatross?”

The acceptance, however small, was a solace. Aloy felt as if she had broken a barrier Nil had forged in his youth, one that kept others from delving beneath his surface. He was letting her see all of him, not just the version he crafted for himself. He allowed her the knowledge and understanding of all of his sides, the boy, the soldier, and the partner.

Her arms slid around his torso before she knew what she was doing. The warmth radiating off his back seeped into her palms and she hugged herself to his chest to feel more. She rarely felt the need for physical contact, but she wanted it this time. She wanted the reality of this moment.

Nil huffed a laugh into her hair. “You never cease to amaze me, Nora.”

Ginger touches crept from her hips to the small of her back and she smiled into Nil’s vest.

* * *

 

[Buy Me a Coffee](https://ko-fi.com/A14822WW)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there was no nudity this time, but it's coming next chapter for sure. This scene was pretty important to me, so I spent more time on it to get it right. Consequently, I did not have enough space to put naked Nil in just yet. Hopefully it will be worth it.  
> Also, please note that I have added my ko-fi account to the bottom of the chapters. This links you to a donation page where you can leave a tip if you like. I had a few readers ask me if they could leave me a little something for my hard work, so I figured I would set something up.  
> I really appreciate any and all forms of support and I'm so grateful to everyone who enjoys what I do. Thank you!


	11. The Turning Point

Aloy’s night came and went in a dreamless torpor. The morning greeted her with sunlight in her eyes and a blissful quiet she had almost forgotten. Lately her awakenings were accompanied by a sheen of sweat and bitter memories of encompassing shadows. She couldn’t even remember the last time she had slept so soundly.

Sitting up carefully, she gave a small stretch and peered around the room. Two plates rested on the table along the wall. One appeared to be laden with a loaf of bread, hunks of cheese, and various fruits while the other held only crumbs and peach pits. Evidently, she had slept through breakfast. Nil was nowhere to be found, his bed empty and hastily made. He had probably left to see Atol while she slept in.

Swinging her legs off the side of the bed, she got to her feet and went to the table. She tore a hunk of bread off the loaf and popped it into her mouth as she stared out the window and into the day. The morning was still lazy, the sun dragging itself tiredly into the sky as birds warbled in rehearsal. Aloy herself felt just as lethargic. She ate slowly and pondered resting in bed until noon.

However, while her body still weighed with sleep, her mind would not be settled so easily. It was not in her nature to simply lie about. She was an active soul even in the dawn. All the same, she wasn’t exactly in the mood to socialize either, and there wasn’t much for an invalid to do in Green River. Remembering the warm comfort of the hot spring from yesterday, Aloy decided a trek to the grotto to soak her legs would be a lovely way to pass the hours.

The route to the cavern was simple enough that Aloy could make the trip on her own. With little turns or inclines, so long as she didn’t stray from the path, she would make it to the spring by a sun stroke. Erring on the side of caution, she filled a canteen and tied her medicine pouch on her hip before strolling out the door.

The solitary walk reminded her of before the battle with Hades, where she traveled the dusty trails and ventured into the hollows of the world. She missed the freedom, the ability to dash into the rush or jump on a broadhead without her side aching. Green River was charming, and the people were incredibly kind, but Aloy was keen for her flesh to knit itself back together so she could get back on the road. She was sure Nil just as anxious to leave. She could already see the desire in his eyes to kill more than just foul and swine. He wanted to plunge his knife into a bandit’s chest as much as she wanted to climb a sheer mountain face.

She put the thought out of her mind. While Lucia had said her wound was healing nicely, she also said it still had a ways to go. _Weeks_ , Aloy read in the woman’s expression. She would just have to find more passive ways to spend her time.

Aloy figured the hot spring would do just fine.

Coming to the entrance of the cave, Aloy picked a handful of the flowers Kiana had used to wash her hair with. A little luxury couldn’t hurt. She tucked them into her pocket and squeezed herself through the crevice in the rock.

The steam welcomed her into its warm embrace as she stepped out of the tunnel. The shimmering light filtering from the hole in the roof and bathed her face in its gentle glow. The serenity of it all bloomed a smile on Aloy’s lips. She brought in a lungful of the sticky, sweet air and released it with a pleasant sigh.

Yes, this would be a lovely way to spend her morning.

Apparently, a certain Carja soldier had had the same idea.

When she opened her eyes and really took in the scenery, she was blessed with the jarring sight of Nil, half submerged and assuredly naked, glistening in the spring. His eyes were closed and his head was tilted back as he basked in the balmy pool. She had seen him shirtless before of course, but the slick skin, steamy air, and the knowledge of what lay under the water’s surface made her face several degrees hotter.

Not quite sure if she should stay, Aloy turned to leave and give Nil some privacy.

“Aloy?”

She swiveled back to find Nil’s stare boring into her, an amused smile stretching the corner of his mouth.

“You finally crawled out of bed, I see,” he said with a grin. “How did you come to find this oasis? Follow your wanderer’s heart?”

“Kiana brought me here the other day,” she replied. “I thought I would come soak my day away.”

“Don’t let me stop you,” he said. He gestured around the spring. “Plenty of room for two.”

“I wasn’t sure if you wanted the place for yourself,” she said.

He laughed. “Nonsense. Why would I boil alone when I can simmer with my partner?”

Aloy shrugged and came to the edge of the spring. Nudity was nothing special for the Nora. Even as an outcast, she had seen plenty of naked men and women. During her travels, she had discovered casual nudity was common for various other tribes, including many factions of the Carja. Some of the high-class citizens in Meridian considered themselves above the “baseness of bareness”, but for the most part, many people took no notice of free skin. It was simply the make of man, after all.

Nil didn’t even bat an eye when she slid her trousers off. He kept his gaze on her face or the sun streams filtering from the ceiling. She sat on the smooth rock she had occupied yesterday and dipped her legs into the water. A soft sigh escaped her throat.

“Feels great, doesn’t it?” Nil smiled. “Makes you wish every stream was as hot.”

“I don’t know about that,” Aloy said, swirling her legs. “I’m rather fond of the cool crispness of lakes and rivers. Wakes you up, revitalizes your system. Besides, I wouldn’t want to drink this.”

“Why not?” he asked, cheekily raising a cupped hand to his mouth and slurping the water inside. “Tastes fine to me.”

Aloy wrinkled her nose. “Do you know how much bacteria lives in warm pools?”

“Enlighten me.”

“More than you can count,” she deadpanned. “Why do you think I’m not waist deep in here? I would be soaking all the way to my chin if it wasn’t for the hole in my gut.”

“How is it faring, by the way?” he asked, suddenly getting to his feet. The water came dangerously low on his hips, past the v of his pelvis. He waded over to Aloy until he was between her legs and his breath was on her hair. He reached out to snag the front of her tunic and pulled it up past her ribs to reveal the mended gash in her side. His other hand came up to brush the skin around it, leaving warm droplets and phantom touches in its wake.

“It still looks painful,” he said, his voice low. “Does it bother you?”

“Only sometimes,” she replied. “If I don’t strain it, I’m fine. It’s better than it was.”

“Saying a lake is smaller than an ocean does not negate the lake’s size,” he said, fingers still ghosting over her flesh.

She placed her hand over his, stilling his anxious ministrations. “I’m fine. The only thing I feel is restless, which is why I came here in the first place.”

He raised a brow. “So, you’re just going to prune your legs until the sun sends you home?”

She shrugged. “I might cleanse my hair again. Speaking of which,” she said, eyes catching on russet, “yours could use a decent wash.”

He chuckled. “Well I don’t quite have your mane. So long as they don’t get in my way, I hardly care about the condition of my locks.”

“It’s full of dirt,” she observed.

“Perhaps I like it that way.”

She shook her head but could not dislodge the smile that accompanied her disbelief. Reaching into her pocket, she pulled out the flowers she had picked and handed them to Nil.

“Crush those for me.”

“What for?” he asked.

“Just do it.”

He chuckled and muttered _bossy_ under his breath, but did as he was told. He leaned forward, nearly pressing himself into Aloy in the process, so close she could feel the heat off him, and grabbed a lone rock from the bank. Using the rock and the stone Aloy rested on, he crushed the flowers into a paste like Kiana had done the other day.

When he was done, he pulled back and gestured to the mixture. “Will that suffice?”

“Yes,” she said. “Now turn around.”

He looked down at the flower goo for a second and then back to her. He remained silent for a moment before he moved to face the opposite direction, presenting Aloy his back and sinking down a few feet as he sat in the pool.

Aloy in turn also offered no words as she scooped up the mixed cleanser and ran it through Nil’s hair. She knew he understood, could read into her soul and understand her every action. She did not have to mention that this was an act of repayment, a thank you for all the moments he had looked after her the past moon cycle. He just knew. And accepted.

She wasn’t quite sure how to feel at this moment however, with Nil sitting naked between her legs. She felt oddly nervous and yet she was also impossibly calm. Closeness between the two of them was no longer a novelty; she had gotten used to his casual touch weeks ago. Perhaps it was the reversal, her hands on him rather than the other way around, that was making her heart skitter. The hint of bare hip that stuck out whenever he shifted was certainly not helping the matter.

Still, it was not altogether unpleasant. Before the battle, or at least after their first encounter, quality time with Nil had not been something Aloy would have even considered. His manner of speech, the way he seemed so _unhinged_ before a scuffle with bandits, she hadn’t even been sure she could trust him, let alone consciously seek him out. Now, after proving himself time and time again to be a dependable partner, he had wormed his way into her life. She could still manage without him of course, she just wasn’t sure she wanted to.

“This feels wonderful,” Nil hummed contentedly. “Lulls you into serenity like the calm after a kill.”

Aloy dunked his head under the water.

He came up and sputtered before letting out a hearty laugh. “That’s hardly fair, Nora!” he grinned. “I can’t exactly haul you in after me as revenge.”

“That’s kind of the point,” she said.

“Prepare for a week of racoon,” he snickered. With a wet hand, he gestured to her hair. “Would you like me to do yours now?”

She eyed him suspiciously. “So long as you don’t pull me under.”

He chuckled. “Wouldn’t dream of it.”

Aloy carefully shifted to lay on her back as she had with Kiana. She fanned her locks out, letting the mop dip into the steamy water. From the corner of her eye, she saw Nil take a generous amount of flower paste and spread it into her hair. She had to bite her lip to keep a satisfied moan from falling out of her mouth as the Carja massaged the cleanser into her scalp.

From this position, Nil towered above her, his head directly above hers as he worked. His sharp gaze honed in on Aloy’s face, his eyes delving into her own and scanning over every inch of her face. She wasn’t sure if he was looking for something, or trying to memorize her. Her stomach twisted either way.

“I don’t often see you like this,” he said eventually. “Normally you’re fire and fury. Now you are ripples and harmony.”

“Is that bad?” she asked.

“I’m not sure,” he replied. “I’ve seen many sides of you and have found none to be unfavorable. It is not that I dislike this calmness about you, I just find it difficult to tolerate knowing it is not what you want.”

Her face fell a fraction. “I do miss my bow.”

“And I miss watching you fight.”

He brushed strands of hair away from her forehead, sweeping them to the side with his fingers. In the empty space, he pressed a comforting kiss. He smelled like flowers.

“Your strength knows no bounds, Aloy,” he said. “All we lack is patience. But time has a way of racing by. I’m sure we’ll be back on the road before we know it.”

She huffed a smile. “Yeah.”

* * *

 

Eventually the two of them headed back to Green River. The warm embrace of the hot springs was hard to pull away from, but the angry growl in their stomachs was a tenacious motivator. After Nil had dried and redressed, they squirmed out of the crevice one at a time and started the walk back, side by side.

The town was noisy when they returned. Villagers gathered in groups outside their homes and talked animatedly about something Aloy couldn’t make out. People were hurrying from one group to the next. Lucia was buzzing around everywhere.

“What do you think is going on?” Aloy asked.

“I’m uncertain,” Nil replied. “It seems like they’re looking for someone.”

Aloy frowned. “I hope no one is missing.”

It was then that Kiana spotted them and ran over. She arrived in front of them out of breath.

“There you two are!” she huffed. “We’ve been looking everywhere for you!”

“What for?” Aloy asked.

“A messenger arrived a few hours ago,” Kiana said. “He needs to talk to you, said he’s been searching for weeks.”

Aloy frowned. “Why would he need us?”

“Not Nil, just you,” Kiana said. “Aloy, you’ve been summoned by Sun King Avad.”

A thousand thoughts hit her at once. What could Avad possibly want her for? Was the city in trouble? Where the people okay? Was he mad at her for running away that day at the banquet.

She didn’t really care. She just knew she was leaving.

Her blood sang for adventure.

“Before I know it,” she whispered with a smile.

* * *

[Buy Me a Coffee](https://ko-fi.com/A14822WW)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so glad you are all enjoying things so far. I'm having a lot of fun with this one!  
> Thanks to everyone who commented, and a HUGE thank you to those who donated to my ko-fi! It really helps my grocery bill!


	12. The Reunions

The sun was dipping below the shallows of the horizon when they approached the merchants’ gathering outside Meridian’s gates. The sight was a welcomed relief to Aloy. Riding a machine for the better part of the day was unpleasant in and of itself, but it was more so uncomfortable sharing the small back of a strider with another human being, let alone the lingering ache in her side from all the jostling.

From behind her, Nil urged Marrow Bane down to a trot. “Same drawling scene as always,” he said. “It doesn’t appear as if you were summoned to keep the peace around these parts anyway.”

“There has to be something,” Aloy said. “Avad wouldn’t seek me out for nothing. Now get me off this strider.”

“Does your wound hurt?” he asked, leaning forward as if to get a better look. His voice rumbled in her ear. “I told you you should have rested longer before coming here. Not that I don’t admire the tenacity. It’s one of your most admirable traits.”

“I wouldn’t have been able to rest knowing that something was wrong,” she replied. “Avad is a capable king with commendable men. If he searched for me specifically, something bad must have happened.”

“Whatever you say,” Nil said, swinging off Marrow Bane. He held up his hands to help Aloy down. The steadiness of his arms as he swept her off the strider was enough of a comfort to bite back the pain from her healing wound. “Just don’t strain yourself.”

“You would stop me before I ever had the chance.”

“Never,” he chuckled. “I would however, voice various concerns and attempt to persuade you out of any hasty choices that may compromise your health. Imagine the consternation and abhorrence Lucia would feel if you undid weeks of mending and therapy.”

“Fair enough,” Aloy said with a smile. “Now let’s go see what the Sun King needs.”

Meridian had changed very little since her last visit. The streets were still full of citizens and travellers milling around, perusing the merchant stalls and chattering with each other. The whole mess of it turned into one large dome of noise. Not that the roar of it all really bothered Aloy; she rather enjoyed witnessing the difference between the reverent Nora and the more outgoing tribes. It was the glances and the whispers that swept through the crowd when the people caught sight of her that really grated her nerves.

Trying her best to ignore the pointed looks cast her way, Aloy led Nil through the streets. She couldn’t help but notice however, that some of the stares and murmurs were being directed at her Carja partner. The bewildered gazes sent towards her suddenly turned sour when they shifted to the soldier keeping pace behind her. She bristled and trudged even faster up the path to the palace.

Upon reaching the stairs that lead to the upper bailey, Aloy heard a voice cut through the din.

“Aloy? Aloy!”

She whipped her head around the face the speaker and was met with the sight of Erend elbowing his way through the crowd toward her. His expression was clear even from this distance, and was one of joy and relief. The Oseram did not offer apologies to the people he shouldered out of the way, nor did he even spare them a glance. He simply ploughed through them all in his mission to get to her.

When he finally broke through the throng, he ran over and threw his arms around Aloy, lifting her into the air exuberantly. He was all smiles and laughter as he swung the Nora around in excitement.

Aloy found herself suffocating.

“I’m so glad to see you!” Erend grinned as he finally set her down. “Where have you been? That night before the banquet, you vanished. No one knew what happened. Avad wanted to send out a search party.”

Guilt twisted in her stomach.

“I’m sorry, Erend,” she said. “A lot happened… It’s all very hard to explain, but I’ll try to tell you everything later. Right now, I have to find Avad.”

Erend suddenly seemed to remember himself. “Of course. He sent summonses all around the Sundom trying to find you.”

“Why?” she asked. “What’s wrong? Did something happen?”

Erend frowned. “I think it’s best you hear it from the king himself. He’s probably in the Great Hall. I’ll take you to—” His gaze fell on Nil and suddenly the kind look in Erend’s eyes turned murderous. “ _You_.”

Before Aloy could even blink, Erend sidestepped around her and leapt at Nil, tackling him to the ground. The Carja slammed into the brick, his throat letting out a wheezy gasp as the air whooshed out of his lungs. Taking advantage of the moment, Erend reached around his back and pulled a knife out of his belt. He made to bring the blade down on Nil, but Aloy grabbed his wrist.

“Erend, stop!” she yelled.

 He fought her. “Let me go, Aloy! You don’t know who he is! What he’s done! This man is the Carja Shadow! A murderer!”

The city had gone quiet. The people were frozen on the streets.

“Erend, calm down.”

“He’s a soldier!” Erend raged. “He fought in the war! He killed hundreds of my people! He killed hundreds of _your_ people! Even Carja fell to his hands! He’s a monster!”

“He’s my friend,” she said.

Erend’s eyes widened. The only time he had looked this lost was when Ersa died. “How… how could you consider…? How could you…? Do you even know who he is?!”

“I do,” she replied. “I know what Nil has done. I know he committed various crimes. I know about the war and the people he killed. But I also know of his past. I know that he volunteered to be punished by the king. I know that he helped his comrades and protected innocents.”

“He slaughtered _thousands_ of people!” Erend cried.

“Are you not a solider with bloodied hands?” she asked.

Erend seethed. “I am nothing like him! He has done nothing but cause pain! His hands bring nothing but suffering and anguish! He is irredeemable!”

“Erend,” Aloy said, “he saved my life.”

The Oseram’s brow furrowed once more as he tried to digest the words. He appeared incredulous as he looked from the pinned Nil, still struggling to catch his breath, to Aloy.

“I’m not asking you to trust him,” she said evenly. “I am telling you to trust _me_.”

Erend was quiet for a while, eyes darting around in confusion as he attempted to make sense of the tumultuous information. Aloy, sensing that this was not a matter that would be easily accepted by her Oseram friend, let him dumbly rework her words over and over in his mind. Carefully, she reached over and pulled the knife from Erend’s grip before hauling his stupefied bulk off of Nil, who, having finally caught his breath, gratefully accepted Aloy’s hand.

She cast Erend a regretful look as she helped Nil to his feet.

“I _will_ explain everything to you, Erend,” she said. “But right now, I need to see Avad.”

She stepped around her friend and led Nil up the next staircase toward the bridge to the palace. She focused straight ahead, her stare unwavering, not allowing herself to stray course any further.

Nil on the other hand, cast a glance back at Erend, still frozen on his knees in the street. After a moment, the Carja swung his gaze back to Aloy, eyes narrowing in on the stiffness in her shoulders and the sharpness of her steps.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

She did not turn to him. “Erend is thick-headed at times. He’ll cool off.”

It wasn’t an answer, but it was all she could give.

He didn’t need words anyway.

They crossed the bridge together, sauntering passed the guards much to the disdain of the nobles waiting in line. The air was filled with more and more whispers as the two of them strode by, and Aloy had to clench her teeth and take deep breaths in order to keep her fists from flying. The sight of a man walking alongside the forebuilding swept away her agita.

“Marad!”

The advisor slowed and searched for the voice until he found Aloy. His face light up and he approached her and Nil at a brisk, enthusiastic pace.

“Aloy!” he beamed. “Bless the Sun and all Its radiance! I am exceptionally relieved to see you!”

“I’m sorry for my absence,” she said. “A lot of things happened all at once and I could not remain in contact. I received Avad’s summons. Where is he?”

“In the council room,” Marad said. “You should go see him immediately. I will escort you and,” he looked at Nil, “your guest there right away.”

The three of them climbed the remaining stairs up to and through the palace’s main doors. The Great Hall welcomed them with all the extravagance Aloy remembered, but she did not have a moment to gape at the opulence as Marad took them through a door and down a passage. They reached a second door and pushed it open to reveal a modest room lined with chairs and a large table. Avad stood around it, accompanied by three men bearing the Carja armor reserved for generals.

A great weight seemed to lift off Avad when his eyes landed on Aloy. A smile forced its way onto his lips and he blew out a laugh. The Sun King dismissed his men breezily, declaring their meeting postponed, and turned a grin to the newcomers as the soldiers closed the door behind them.

“Aloy,” Avad said, a soft lilt in his voice. “I am exceedingly… glad to see you are well. Not that I ever doubted your capabilities to look after yourself of course, knowing you and your immense skill at survival, but one can’t keep the voices of anxiety from murmuring in their ear forever. Especially after your disappearance the night of the banquet.”

“About that,” Aloy began.

Avad shook his head and cut her off. “The fault was mine. I knew your disposition and displeasure for praise, and yet I pressured you anyway. For that I apologize. I hold no resentment towards you for going your own way. I am simply pleased to see you unharmed.”

Nil grunted from the corner. “She is not ‘unharmed’.”

“Now is hardly the time, Nil,” Aloy hissed.

“Apparently it is, since your stubborn obduracy refuses to prioritize your own health and a shadow has blinded the king from seeing inches before his face.” Nil faced Avad, staring him dead in the eye, no reverence or subservience in any facet of his figure. “She was stabbed more than a cycle ago.”

“I’m _fine_ ,” Aloy insisted.

Avad turned to her with concern in his brows. “Is this true?”

She crossed her arms. “It is, but I am healing just fine. I travelled here, didn’t I?”

“Through a taught jaw,” Nil murmured.

Aloy elbowed him.

“I wasn’t just going to ignore your summons,” she said. “For you to search me out specifically means something happened.”

Avad considered her for a moment, frown still in place. “I will not have you endangering yourself,” he said finally. “You will rest here where my personal healers may monitor your condition. Once you have healed to their satisfaction, I will ask for your aid.”

She scowled. “You are not my king.”

“No, but you are in my land,” he said. His mouth turned down. “I could order my men to keep you here. Do not make me restrain you so.”

“This is not fair.”

“This is a kindness for both of us,” he said. “I am asking this of you as a personal favour. I cannot have you fighting at my request with an injury. I… There worry would never leave me.”

Aloy breathed out a sigh and folded her arms again. “Fine.”

“Thank you.” Avad gave her a smile before his gaze slid to Nil. “I remember you.”

“I am eternally honoured,” Nil said blankly.

“There are quite a number of tales being passed about you, soldier.”

Nil flinched. “I shed the soldier’s skin years ago.”

“’Nil’ then,” Avad said. “You have been cast in both light and darkness. With which do you truly align?”

Nil grinned. “I like to think I lurk in the overcast between them both.”

“I see.” The king turned to Aloy. “Where would you place him?”

She paused to think for a moment. “The shifting shade of a tree.”

“He is your companion, I presume. Do you trust him?”

She nodded. “I do.”

“Very well,” Avad said. “I am sure there is a room available in the barracks he can take. You, Aloy, of course have the use of Olin’s dwelling.”

Her scowl returned. “If I am to sleep in a house, my partner will not rest in a bunk. Nil will stay with me.”

Avad regarded her. Eventually he relented. “Very well. I will have Marad escort you there and ensure you have everything you need. The healers will arrive in the morning.”

“Will you at least tell me what you brought me here for?” Aloy asked.

Avad shook his head. “The moment I do, you will vanish and I will be unfit to rule.”

* * *

 

[Buy Me a Coffee](https://ko-fi.com/A14822WW)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ha ha ha holy balls I am busy. In case you did not read that one reply I wrote to that one comment a week ago, I am working 3 jobs and I am dead. Since it's been a while though, I hunkered down and wrote a bit more than usual.  
> Thank you all for your patience and your kind reviews as always. Thanks especially to No+Name for donating to my ko-fi every single time I update. Your donations are super appreciated (as is everyone else's).


	13. A Tumultuous Eventide

Marad led the way out of the inner palace and back through the streets to Olin’s old apartment. The walk was silent, no one offering small talk or conversation as their minds individually buzzed with thoughts of their own. It was only when they finally reached the empty home that Marad spoke.

“I’m afraid we have yet to fix the damage in the floor,” he said, fishing a key out of his robe and unlocking the door. “After the battle, there were many houses and buildings that had to be repaired. Unfortunately, there are still a number of homes that are waiting to be restored, so we haven’t had the time or resources to mend things here.”

“I understand,” Aloy replied. “I’m glad your priorities lie with your people. Besides, I was technically the one to cause the damage in the first place.”

Nil looked at her questioningly, a knowing, yet curious smirk on his face.

They followed after Marad as he swung open the door and sauntered into the apartment. A few of Olin’s belongings had been removed, taken by either Erend or Olin himself, but all in all, the place looked just as it had when she’d searched it for clues all those moons ago. It was spacious without being lonely, small without being cramped. It would serve them well.

“I will have someone send extra blankets for you,” Marad said. “No doubt there is a draft coming from the basement. Additionally, a servant will be by in the morning to bring you something light for breakfast. Your afternoon and evening meals will be with the Sun King at the palace.”

Aloy shot him an exasperated glance.

Marad smiled and shrugged. “His Radiance’s orders.”

Aloy grumbled. Nil appeared nonchalant.

“I’ll let you settle in,” Marad said. “Expect the court healers shortly after the quarter rise. I wish you a pleasant evening.”

“Thank you, Marad,” Aloy replied, offering a half-smile to the kind man as he moved to leave, closing the door behind him.

She turned back, briefly looking over the open living quarters before focusing on Nil. He was surveying the room, eyes sweeping over the walls and furnishings, silently taking it all in.

“Handsome abode,” he said finally. “What befell the resident?”

“He fled a cult,” she said.

He raised a brow. “The same ones that were after your blood?”

She nodded. “They had his family. Long story short, we got them out and they all left to start a new life.”

“And you get his old den. Hardly a recompense for your troubles.”

She chuffed. “’Troubles’ is putting it mildly.”

“My point exactly.”

She shrugged. “He promised he would spend his hours atoning for his mistakes. Provided he keeps his word, that’s recompense enough.”

“Aren’t we generous,” Nil quipped.

Aloy shrugged. “Just tired of seeing families being torn apart.”

“Fair enough.”

With that, they let the topic drop and took the quiet moments to take in the apartment. The space was just as roomy and welcoming as always; of course, Aloy couldn’t fully shake away the ghosts that lurked in the cracks and corners of the home. The few nights she had spent here had been sleepless, spent tossing and turning with memories of the past, of the lair downstairs, of Olin, of the cultists. With any luck, her demons died with Helis and she could get some rest under this roof for once.

A knock on the door broke her reverie.

Nil cast her an off look. “Expecting any gentlemen callers?”

She ignored him and went to the entryway. She swung the door open to reveal a rather rumpled, contrite-looking Erend. He raised a hand awkwardly.

“Hi,” he said, sheepish.

“What are you doing here, Erend?” she asked coolly.

The Oseram ran a hand through his fair. “I know it’s late and you’re probably still mad about earlier, but I just had my ass handed to me and my ear talked off by Avad and Blameless Marad when I went to complain about your… friend.”

She raised a brow. “Complain?”

“More like demand he be immediately incarcerated and thrown into the dreariest crevice that Sunstone Rock has to offer,” he grunted.

“And how’d that go over?” she asked.

Erend laughed derisively. “Avad almost threw me out of the throne room. Called me a child for my ignorance and petulance.”

“Good.”

“He then told me about the Carja… _Nil_ –about how he volunteered to be punished for his crimes during the war and how he’s since spent his time taking out bandits… Marad personally vouched for his honour and assured me he would not harm either the Sun King or you. And I’m not saying I trust him or anything –he’s still a treacherous monster for all the deaths he’s caused—but if you give me an ultimatum… I guess I can get used to seeing him, or at least not tackle him every time he rears his vile mug.”

“Vile?” Nil called from inside. “I’ll have you know my face is my only feature to receive praise. All other aspects of my being have been labeled vile, mind you, but never my face.”

Erend sidestepped Aloy to peer into the apartment. His gaze found Nil easily and his jaw dropped at the same time his expression turned to a scowl.

“What is he doing here?” Erend growled.

“This was the only appropriate accommodation,” Aloy said.

“Appropriate?!” Erend cried. “What about this is appropriate?”

“Erend.”

“You said you were partners…” Erend muttered. “But I never imagined you were _those_  kind of partners.”

“We’re not.”

“Then what are you _thinking_ , Aloy?! I know you said you trust him, but matters like this are different.”

“Erend,” she warned, her voice low.

“Men like him are dangerous!”

“ _Erend_.”

“You never know what they might do to you while you are vulnerable.”

“That’s it,” Aloy hissed. Grabbing Erend by his tunic, she shoved him out the door. “You are one comment shy from a blow to the nose.”

“Aloy—”

“You’re going to listen to everything I have to say from start to finish. You are going to keep your mouth shut and your thoughts to yourself. And if I hear so much as an indignant _breath_ from you, so help me I will take you into the courtyard and beat some sense into you. I am not afraid to knock you on your back, Erend.”

“But—”

“You owe me this much.”

Erend looked away in resignation.

“Fine,” he grumbled, and let Aloy push him towards the nearest tavern. 

* * *

 

The Seven Stars pub was half empty upon their arrival. The only patrons who lingered at this hour were the jaded regulars fixing only for drink and conversation and the boisterous bingers who splurged on a night of careless inebriation. A few heads turned their way as they entered, but quickly returned to their own business, too drunk to recognize the pair or too apathetic to care.

Aloy led Erend to a small table in the back corner and all but pushed him into a chair. The Oseram ordered two pints, both for himself as he grumpily hunkered down and listened to Aloy as she recounted her first meeting and subsequent hunts with Nil. The amber mead in his throat was the only thing keeping his biting commends from spewing at her every mention of the Carja beast.

Still, he kept his mouth shut and listened to Aloy as she instructed. He fought to urge to bark an _I told you so_ when she described Nil’s dark manner, the way he talked about death as if he were inviting it into his bed, but the sharp warning in her eye kept his lips sealed. She had been right when she’d said he owed her, and he held nothing but respect for the Nora woman, so he continued to listen, albeit begrudgingly.

He still didn’t understand what she saw in him, even as she recounted their reunion before the great battle. So he dispatched some marauders. So what? That didn’t cleanse the blood from his hands. Just because innocent people were saved from him killing some bandits doesn’t mean that was even his goal in the first place. 

But then she mentioned the day of the banquet. The day she left. The day Nil somehow managed to convince her to run away with him. The rage within him began to boil anew, and he only caught bits and pieces of her recollection. “Didn’t belong,” she said. Of course she did. Calm, level-headed woman like her, she could fit in anywhere. “Life of adventure.” Was living in Meridian not an adventure? Could she not find enough excitement next to the king? Next to him? “He understood me”. He had to take a particularly large swig at that. How could a villain like him possibly understand someone like her? Even he himself couldn’t pin everything about her down. There were always aspects of her he couldn’t predict. The thought of _Nil_ knowing more of her than he did made his stomach churn, consequently almost making him throw up the alcohol he was chugging admittedly too quickly.

Thankfully, she skipped over much of their time traveling together and jumped to the scuffle at the bandit hideout. After briefly touching on the (unwanted) fact that they fought well together as a pair, Aloy finally told him of the knife that gutted her.

“It was like a white-hot flame had pierced through my stomach,” she said. “Shock completely enveloped me, leaving me utterly vulnerable. I could have died then and there.”

His jaw hung open as his eyes owled in distress. He moved his mouth to speak, to express his concern, his condolence, but nothing came out. Not that he was supposed to talk anyway.

“In the distance,” she continued, “I heard the rest of the bandits get cut down and as the strength in my knees finally gave out, there was Nil, covered in blood and fear. He wrapped my wound as best he could, hauled me onto his strider, and brought me to a proper healer. He stayed with me the entire time, tending to me when others couldn’t, and keeping me sane with his company. Those weeks that I was healing, all those hours stuck in a bed against my will, I wouldn’t have been able to handle them without Nil.”

She leaned forward and leveled Erend with an intent stare. “I know he’s not perfect. I know he has done terrible things and I know he is not the most tactful, but he and I have been through a lot together. I know of his loss and he knows of mine.  We’ve both grown and learned to rely on each other as partners, and that’s not something that I am willing to break casually. You’re my friend, Erend, but I will not allow you to be hostile towards him. Do you understand?”

Erend held her gaze steadily, searching his heart for an answer. Every time he looked at Nil, all he saw was crimson stains and screaming faces. He doubted the man would ever represent anything other than war and devastation to him. The last thing he wanted to do was to have to interact with him on a near day basis.

But on the other hand was Aloy. The woman he was proud to call a friend and companion. The strong Nora who overcame odds and exceeded expectations. He held so much respect and… warmth for her, he simply could not imagine having to live with her distain.

He knocked back the rest of the mead in his glass and hefted a mighty sigh. “Do you have to live with him?”

“We’ve been living together for months now,” she said. “And I don’t appreciate the insinuation. I can have Marad regale you with tales of Nil honour again if you don’t believe me, or I can even call for Petra.”

“No,” he groaned. “It’s just… it’s going to take a while, okay? To get used to it all, to replace the memories I have of him. He’s been the face of the enemy for me for so many years… and it doesn’t help that he’s so _snide.”_

She offered a wry smile. “He has his moments.”

“But I’ll try, okay?” he said. “I’ll try for you.”

“Thank you, Erend,” she said, voice full of relief and sincerity. “It means a great deal to me that you are willing to make an effort.”

“Yeah, yeah, you’re welcome,” Erend said, getting to his feet. “Just tell him to keep his sly remarks to himself, alright? I only have so much control over my fists.”

Aloy stood as well. “Who knows, you two might actually get along over time.”

Erend grimaced. “Don’t ever say that again.”

* * *

 

[Buy Me a Coffee](https://ko-fi.com/A14822WW)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not dead yet!  
> Thanks for your patience, everyone. Things are still crazy and I'm still working 3 jobs, but I somehow managed to get this chapter finished. I don't plan on abandoning this story any time soon, but with scheduling as chaotic as it is, I don't know when I will be able to upload next. I'm going to attempt to get it up within the next 2 or 3 weeks though, because I really enjoy writing this piece and you are all kind and generous readers!  
> As always, thank you to my incredible readers who donate to my ko-fi and to everyone who leaves kudos and comments! I super appreciate it!


	14. The Dark and the Reprieve

Aloy opened the door to the apartment to find Nil reclined on the chaise, absentmindedly throwing his knife into the wood ceiling above him. The blade stuck for a moment before the weight of the hilt forced it to dislodge. Tumbling down, the knife landed in Nil’s ready hand before it was sent back up to be embedded in the beam.

“Are you aware that there is a cultist burrow in your basement?” he asked.

“Yes,” she answered, closing the door behind her.

He eyed her. “Another parting gift from the owner?”

“It’s in the past,” she dismissed.

He shrugged. “If you say so. How did things go with your Oseram friend? Do I need to worry about being flayed in my sleep?”

“He’s doing his best to be open-minded, which is a miracle in and of itself,” she said. “There shouldn’t be any problems… so long as you help keep the peace.”

He smirked. “Well that’s no fun.”

“I’m serious, Nil,” she frowned. “If you want to stick around, you’re going to have to get along with him.”

Nil launched his dagger particularly hard. “What’s so special about him?”

“Erend is a valuable ally and trusted friend,” she said.

He gave her a pointed look. “Do you believe he holds you as just a _friend_?”

Aloy shifted on her feet and looked away. “That’s… complicated.”

He watched her, his steely gaze boring into her, penetrating deep under her skin and piercing into the very fibre of her being. Aloy turned her eyes elsewhere, unable to meet Nil’s intense stare as he scoured each crevice of her face for an indication, a betrayal of emotion. The curious intent on his face was a stark contrast to the seriousness of his gaze.

“Do you love him?” he asked.

She sighed heavily. “Not the way he wants me to.”

He eyed her. “But he’s an important existence to you.”

She didn’t have to confirm it.

“The only time I saw him this riled up was when we were looking for his sister Ersa,” she said. “It’s discouraging to see him this distressed again.”

“It bothers you,” he observed.

“Of course it does.”

“Do you want me to sleep somewhere else?”

She took a half-breath to think it over. “No.”

* * *

 The first thing she was aware of was that she was drowning. Pressure pushed in around her throat and the telltale burn had already begun searing her lungs. She did not know where she was or what she was floating in, she only knew the liquidy resistance against her limbs as she struggled, and her body’s desperate craving for oxygen.

Not a string of light filtered through the darkness and she struggled blindly, not knowing which direction led to the surface… or if there was a surface in the first place. It was as if her straining eyes were closed, the sweeping oblivion and the sense of helplessness added to the urgency and ultimately, her panic. She could count on her hand the number of times she felt so vulnerable, and the longer she thrashed in this watery void, the more her impending sense of doom grew.

She could not so much see as feel her consciousness slipping away. The fuzzy blackness prickled her eyes as it crept in from the side and devoured her waking mind. As the final fragments of her consciousness clipped away, she felt a warmth envelope her and a familiar hand grasp her wrist. With a leading tug, it pulled her out of the inky shadows and into a welcoming light.

She stayed wrapped in that warm luminance until a dreamless sleep overtook her. 

* * *

 

She was roused the next morning by a gentle shake and a low voice.

“Aloy,” Nil rumbled, “Wake up.”

Aloy shifted, drowsily stretching and groaning the sleep away. Nil was sitting on the edge of her side of the bed, fully clothed and hair combed back. He must’ve been awake for some time.

“The palace healers are here,” he told her.

She groaned, resisting the urge to burrow deeper into the blankets. “Send them away. I’m fine.”

“You weren’t yesterday,” he said. “You complained the whole ride over.”

“It’s too early for this,” she grumbled. “I don’t need healers.”

Reaching out, Nil pressed a hand down on her upper chest. His skin radiated heat and hers tingled oddly.

“Sit up and I’ll send them away.”

Aloy narrowed her eyes defiantly, to which Nil was indifferent. Bracing her weight on her elbows, she attempted to push herself upright despite the pressure on her upper body. She fought against Nil for the better part of a minute until the screaming in her side became too much.

She collapsed back and groaned.

Nil gave her a small smirk. “I’ll see them up.” 

* * *

 

Avad’s healers were less than helpful, and, in Aloy’s opinion, an immense waste of time.

For all their pomp and circumstance, their remedies and methods were no better than Lucia’s back at Green River. They unwrapped her wound, smeared some foul-smelling goo on her skin, changed her bandages, and led her through mild exercises. Aside from the odorous sludge they called a poultice, which Aloy suspected was a sloppy and ineffective mix of Ashroot and Red Maisie, she could have managed the whole thing by herself.

Nil had certainly been of no help. While the healers poked and pushed her, he was sitting lazily in the corner, whittling nonchalantly. Every now and then he lifted his head to observe the chaos, his face that of both pity and amusement, before continuing to work his knife through wood.

As Aloy sat in the living area afterward, too bored to sleep and too tired to continue to monotonous stretches, Nil brought her a plate of food.

“Oh, so now you help,” she grumbled, taking the tray.

“Making oneself scarce is a form of help,” he smirked.

She frowned. “Not when lousy healers are involved.

He grimaced. “They were rather impotent, weren’t they? Perhaps the great Sun King needs to update his roster.”

“Or perhaps I am passed the point of medical aid,” she said.

“If you believe so, so be it,” he said. “You’ll have the king to face.”

She huffed. “He’s not my keeper.”

“He cares about your wellbeing.”

“He also respects me enough to grant me final say in matters concerning my own health.”

“That’ll be tested soon enough.”

“Back in town one day and you’re already picking a fight with Avad?” a new voice snickered.

Aloy and Nil turned to the door to find a woman standing in the open entrance, leaning casually on the jamb. Aloy’s face lit up and she rushed over to embrace her friend.

“Talanah!” she exclaimed. “It’s good to see you.”

“They told me you were here,” the huntress said, grinning. “At first I was insulted that my thrush neglected to visit me the day of her arrival, but they told me of your situation. How is your wound?”

“It’s coming along,” Aloy said.

“Please tell me it was a souvenir from a hoard of Ravagers.”

Aloy shook her head. “Parting gift from a particularly vengeful rogue.”

“Ah, yes. I heard you were taking down thieves now.” Talanah’s eyes slid to Nil. “And you must be the bandit hunter. Plenty of rumours going on about you. Any of them true?”

“More often than naught,” he smirked.

“How about the one that says you can hit a man between the eyes at two-hundred paces?”

“Last I counted, my record was two-thirty."

“And how are you against metal targets?”

Nil shrugged. “The Voice of Our Teeth does not discriminate between blood and oil.”

Talanah cast a confused look at Aloy.

“He’s good,” she said.

“Great,” Talanah said, hooking an arm around Aloy’s shoulder. “There is a pack of Scrappers that have been spotted north of the main pass. They’ve taken to venturing too far south and attacking travellers on the road. I want you to help me take them out.”

Aloy gestured to her side. “I’m not exactly at my best, Talanah.”

“Can you still fire an arrow?”

“Not at full power.”

“Then don’t shoot at full power,” she said. “Look, I know what it’s like to be cooped up after an injury. All you can do is wait while your body stitches itself together and for people like us, that along is enough to make us go stir-crazy. Healers don’t get it, they slather you with herbs and make you exercise the wrong muscles. The best way to get back on your feet is to _get back on your feet,_ work the parts of your body that you actually use.”

“I’m not even supposed to leave the city,” she said.

Talanah snorted. “When have you ever followed the rules?”

A devious grin began tugging at Aloy’s lips. She tilted her head at Nil. “What are your thoughts?”

“You’ve never been the lark to remain in a cage,” he said. “So long as you heed the difference between the stretch and the sting, I think it would be good for you.”

The Sunhawk smiled. “I like him,” she said.

Aloy laughed despite herself. “Yeah, well I’m blaming the both of you if we get caught.”

[Buy Me a Coffee](https://ko-fi.com/A14822WW)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Thanksgiving for the Canadians! I'm thankful for sinfully delicious fanfiction and delightful readers!  
> Things are still pretty hectic in the day-to-day life. Still working my butt off for multiple employers, and now I'm getting ready to move. Hurray. At least I get some moments every now and then to get some words down for this story. It's coming along slowly but surely. Thanks for all your patience.  
> I am very grateful to everyone for your kind words and generous donations to my ko-fi. The positive feedback is incredibly gratifying. You make me want to keep updating! You're the best!


	15. The Hunt and the Hollow

It didn’t take them long to find the pack of scrappers. Aloy’s focus highlighted speckles of blood along the main pass, long since soaked into the earth. The trail of stains guided them along the road until they conglomerated into larger, dried splashes of russet. From there, blood flecks led away from the pass and up the inclination of the nearby mountain range. Blue light glared in the distance.

Aloy, Nil, and Talanah diverged onto an adjacent path, creeping from the open trail into the wispy brush and up the hill. Silent as shadows, they slinked along the treeline, keeping both a steady eye and steady aim on the prowling azure lights.

Talanah had relinquished her role of leader, deferring to Aloy and allowing her injured Thrush to set the pace of their hunting party. Nil was following a wing’s width away, already fallen into the predatory ease that he always adopted when stalking prey. His gaze causally flittered from the scrappers in the distance to Aloy, waiting to pounce at the mere change of her breath.

Aloy watched the machines carefully, her focus helping to luminate the expected movement patterns. They paced around the trunks and trees of the area ahead, scouring for any metals or minerals that could be repurposed, as was their original design. The bloody smears on their jowls however, proved they had not purely been taking apart watchers and lancehorns. Aloy chalked it up to residual corruption in the earth.

As the scrappers finished rooting through a pile of rubbish and were meandering away in search of more wreckage, Aloy saw an opportunity. Wordlessly, she gestured to her companions. With a dutiful nod from Talanah and a devious grin from Nil, they moved into position.  

As she waited for the optimal moment to strike, Aloy tested the pull of her bow. Her wound protested as her muscles worked, but most of the strain was in her arms. She breathed through the ache in her side and notched two more fire arrows. If she played this right, she would only need to make one shot. She’d done it hundreds of times before. She just needed the perfect vantage.

And there it was; her targets shifted exactly how she’d wanted, exposing their weak points to her expert eye. With a flick of her wrist and a strike of her flint, the blaze-tipped arrows strung on her bow ignited and she released her barrage at the scrappers before her. Across from her on either side, shafts flew from Talanah and Nil’s bows.

Her flaming arrows hit the lens of the first scrapper and the power cell of the second, falling them both as the blue light faded from their steely eyes. Her third arrow clipped the edge of the final scrapper in its optical socket. It left a charred dent in the metal, but fell lamely to the ground. A malicious, mechanical bellow and a crimson flash were her only warnings before the beast leapt at her.

Her body moved on its own, sidestepping the machine as instinct and muscle-memory took over. The scrapper sailed past, but rebounded quickly, launching off the ground with its enormous hydraulic paws and aiming its razor claws at her throat.

Her offhand found her lance on her back and swung it hastily in the beast’s path. Metal clanged against metal and a hard jolt shot through her hand, up her arm and down her body. She hissed at the pain, but fell back into stance as the scrapper shook itself of the jarring impact and prepared to lunge once more. Now more inclined to defend against an attack, Aloy heaved her weight into her spear as she knocked into the machine.

Another bolt of pain rocked through her, but she clenched her teeth and shifted her grip on her lance. As the scrapper staggered from her blow, she thrust the blade into the angry red of its right eye.

The high-pitched crack of broken glass was a sweet comfort.

It harmonized with the sharp crunch of pierced metal as Nil and Talanah finished the pack.

Her Hawk emerged from the woods bearing a cocksure smirk. “What’d I tell ya?”

“I was almost cut in half,” Aloy said.

Talanah grinned. “So why are you smiling?”

Aloy gave her a shove. “You know why.”

* * *

Having tasted the familiar rush of the hunt after what had seemed to be an eternity of bedrest and coddling, Aloy was less than keen to return to Meridian. No doubt a displeased Avad and a stern lecture were awaiting her, so she implored her friends to go wandering. Sharing the same heart, they lead her away without a thought.

Talanah reclaimed her place as leader and headed the trek through the forest, insisting she knew the perfect spot to relax. The woods, now free of the grind of machines, held nothing but the songs of carefree birds, the paws of scurrying critters, and the soundless cascade of heavy snow flakes.

They had been strolling through the mountains for a quarter sun stroke when Nil slid Aloy a sly grin.

“Can I entice the rising huntress with a bout of target practice?” he asked.

Aloy scoffed. “I think the last thing we need right now is for me to lose control of my bow mid-aim and send an arrow through your gut, Nil. As much as you would enjoy it.”

“You’re no fun,” Nil said, smiling regardless. “Thought you might want to keep the delicious taste of adrenaline in your veins.” He turned to Talanah. “May I extend the invitation to my fellow Carja?”

The Sunhawk raised an eyebrow. “Do you have a death wish?”

“Not for myself,” he smirked. “If you’re not up to the challenge of course, then by all means, let us continue ambling in silence while the thrill of the hunt is steadily breathed out through our lungs.”

Talanah tilted her head at Aloy. “Is he serious?”

“Unfortunately.”

Nil crossed her arms. “Is it so wrong to want to prolong the blood in our ears and the tingle in our fingers? I’m all for savoring the afterglow, but that usually comes in accompaniment with a moment’s rest and a smooth meditation. The rush is lost without reverie. So why not keep it coursing until we reach our destination?”

“I’m starting to understand the rumors surrounding you, Carja Shadow,” Talanah said.

He grinned. “And your verdict?”

“I’m a fan of the unconventional,” she said.

“So you approve?”

Talanah gave him a hard look. “As long as you keep your blade out of the innocent, I think we’ll get along just fine.”

“If you’ve heard the mutterings about me,” Nil replied, “you should know that my arrows gave not so much as grazed those unworthy of an early passing.”

“Indeed. And I’m sure Aloy would not be traveling with you otherwise,” Talanah said. “Besides, you saved her life. That makes you alright in my eye.”

Nil turned to Aloy. “You hear that? I’ve received her blessing.”

She pushed him into the bushes. 

* * *

 

 

The place Talanah had been leading them to turned out to be a small cave hidden inside a white-capped mountain. The mouth was wide enough to welcome them all inside easily. The space sheltered them from the wind and offered a strange warmth within the stony walls. There didn’t seem to be anything special about the cavern to especially warrant their company however. The rocks seemed to be pure granite, dull and marbled with shades of black and grey.

Talanah did not stop at the entrance and continued through the cave, stepping carefully around the stray boulders and loose rubble along the ground. Aloy and Nil followed dutifully but silently. There were no relics from the old world, no underground springs, only stone. It was certainly nothing to marvel at.

Then suddenly the cave bent and Talanah disappeared around the corner. As she and Nil trailed after her, Aloy barely had enough time to register a faint blue light before it was enveloping her.

The alcove they had stepped into was inlaid with glowing stones. Hundreds of them glittered in the darkness, flooding the area cerulean. The light cast shadows on Talanah’s smug face. 

Awed, Aloy drew nearer and brushed one of the rocks with her fingertips. Expecting hard stone, she was surprised to feel the spongy crispness of plant life. Delicately, she picked at the blue rock and pulled what looked like moss off the surface. It continued to softly radiate light even in the palm of her hand.

“What is it?” she heard Nil say.

Talanah shrugged. “Beats me. I just know it glows.”

“How did you find this place?” Aloy asked.

“I’d been out hunting behemoths when I stumbled across it,” she said, taking a seat on a boulder. “I had been tracking one for the better part of the day when I finally caught up with it. I took a shot at its crate holder and then the next thing I know three more are barreling out of the woods and they’re all charging me.

“I turned tail and ran up the hill. The machines were right on my heel, so when I saw a cave up ahead, I sprinted inside as far back as it led. I was too busy catching my breath to even realize the walls were gleaming at first. It was quite a shock when I finally noticed.”

“Nothing of its kin has ever crossed my path,” Nil said.

“Aren’t you more into bandit forts than caves?” Talanah asked.

Nil snickered. “You act as if cowards never hide.”

Aloy continued to gaze at the glittering walls. “Thank you for bringing me here, Talanah. It’s a welcome refuge from the chaos of the passed hours.”

“What’d I tell you?” her hawk replied. “You need to listen to me more often. Now, take a seat and regale me. We have a lot to talk about.”

[Buy Me a Coffee](https://ko-fi.com/A14822WW)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See? I'm alive.  
> Thank you all for being so patient for the next chapter. I've been doing a lot of teaching lately and that has been taking up a lot of my time and energy. Everything is changing and it's taken me a while to actually have the mental ability to sit down and do some writing. Your comments and praise really do help give me a kick in the butt to get shit done though!  
> More interesting stuff goes down next chapter, so hopefully I'll be more inclined to get it done quicker.  
> Be sure to let me know what you think, and if you really enjoyed it, please consider donating to my ko-fi.


	16. The First Blood of Brotherhood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We had to put our dog down recently when we found out she had cancer. It was all very sudden and it happened too fast. I miss her a lot and will always have fond memories of her. If I could dedicate this chapter to her without sounding like a total loser, I would.

The guards were waiting for them when they returned.

Two extra sentries stood at attention near the city gates. Upon spotting Aloy and her company, they met the three hunters halfway and bowed their heads in acknowledgement and respect.

“We were ordered to fetch you, Aloy of the Nora,” one said. “The Sun King wishes an audience.”

Aloy didn’t so much as blink. “I expected as much.”

“Don’t worry,” Talanah said, placing a hand on her Thrush’s shoulder. “I’ll explain everything to Avad.”

“Apologies, Sunhawk Talanah,” the second guard said. “We were instructed to bring Aloy and no others.”

Talanah folded her arms. “I have words he needs to hear.”

“When and if he listens is up to His Radiance himself,” the first man commented. “You may request an audience at a later date, but at this moment, we are to only escort the Nora to the palace.”

“Oh, he’ll listen to me,” Talanah huffed. “When I get a hold of him, his ears will ache from all I have to say.”

The lips of the second sentry twitched while the first scowled.

“You would do well to mind your manner of speech, Mistress Sunhawk,” he glowered. “You may be in charge of the Hunters Lodge, but the Sun King is in charge of the Sundom. It would be wise to show respect where it is due.”

She scoffed. “Do not talk down to me as if you were my better. Your sympathies are not for the king, but for the late Sunhawk. You speak not out of loyalty, but of spite and therefore you betray your ignorance. Avad has supported me throughout my campaign at the Lodge and has been my friend in these months after my accession. In the future, _you_ would do well to know your place, and to not speak of matters you know nothing of. Your companion will accompany my Thrush to the palace. You are dismissed.”

The guard shook with fury. At first, it appeared as if he would retaliate and insult Talanah further, however he seemed to think better of it. Instead, he offered a snarl before turning on his heel and marching back to the city.

The second guard could not help the grin creeping up his face. “I would extend an apology to you for my comrade’s behavior, Lady Talanah, but instead I would like to offer my thanks in knocking his ego down several pegs.”

“There are scrap-brains like him all over Meridian,” she said. “There were many who shared the mind of Ahsis, and plenty who were none too pleased that I took his place. It’s always a pleasure to prove I have more than enough tenacity and strength to handle the matters of both the Lodge and myself. Much like you did, Aloy.”

The Thrush offered a warm smile to her Hawk.

“Now you better get going before Avad waltzes down here and collects you himself!” 

* * *

 

Avad came to meet her outside the keep. He had attempted to steel his expression, but hints of disappointment and concern still leaked through.

“You disobeyed my order,” he said.

“You should know by now that I am not a bird to be kept in a cage. Even if my wing is broken,” she replied.

 “I do,” he said quietly. “I simply do not want you to fall from the sky into a Snapmouth’s jaws.”

“We helped people, Avad,” she said. “We took out that pack of scrappers that had been attacking people on the main road.”

Something in his eyes glinted at this, but he looked away. “I know you are brave and capable, Aloy, do not mistake that. I just wish you would allow yourself to fully mend before going out and finding trouble.”

“That’s not who I am,” she said.

He sighed and slid her a look filled with sadness. “I know that too.” 

* * *

 

Talanah was on the stairs as Aloy descended them.

“Are you under arrest?” she asked, smiling.

“Not yet,” Aloy replied.

“So you just got another slap on the wrist?” Talanah laughed. “Avad’s got it bad.”

Aloy frowned. “What?”

Talanah shook her head. “Nothing. Erend came looking for you.”

“Of course he did.”

“He probably heard about our little field trip and wanted to make sure you weren’t mangled to bits by evil machines,” she said. “When he heard you were with Avad, he turned to Nil and asked him to follow him.”

Aloy paled. “He what?”

“Yeah, I thought it was weird. I didn’t think those two got along.”

“They don’t. Where did they go?”

“The lower quarters, I believe. Should I call the guards?”

 “No. If they’re doing what I think they’re doing, there won’t be much of them left for the guards to even arrest.”

Talanah raised an eyebrow. “You really think they’re fighting that hard?”

“If they haven’t torn each other apart yet, I’ll do it for them.” 

* * *

 

Sure enough, when she found them in the lower ring of town, they were surrounded by onlookers and dripping blood.

Erend was heaving, dropped into a fighting stance with two hatchets in his hands. There were small tears and rips in his clothes and slices on his arms that were smeared red. There was a bump on his forehead and smudges of blood –his or Nil’s, she did not know—but other than that, his head was unmarred.

Nil on the other hand, sported nicks and cuts all across his face. Everything appeared to be shallow, just ruby welts spattering his pale skin. They crept down his body, covering every bit of exposed flesh, but never cutting deep. Red blurred around the corner of his mouth. His eyes danced with excited light as he twirled his knife in his fingers.

Aloy pushed through the jeering crowd as Erend took another swing at Nil. His first hatchet missed its mark as Nil expertly ducked and weaved out of the way but the second ax whirled in tandem to its brother, following through and slicing through the air toward the Carja. Nil’s eyes darted to the incoming blade. He was swift and nimble. He could easily dodge out of the way.

He took a step to the left. The hatchet slashed his shoulder.

Aloy lunged between the two men.

“What are you _doing_?” she roared.

“Out of the way, Aloy!” Erend bellowed. “I’m going to teach this bastard a lesson!”

“You’ll do no such thing!” she hissed. “Both of you, put your weapons down.”

Neither moved, opting instead to glare at each other from over Aloy’s shoulder. Well, Erend was glaring. Nil was more idly staring, that glint in his eyes flashing every now and then.

Aloy scowled. “Put them down or so help me, I will use your guts as scabbards.”

After a moments’ beat, the men slowly began to lower their arms.

The crowd grumbled at the loss of spectacle and began dispersing.

“Now,” Aloy said. “What happened?”

“This Sawtooth spit was asking for it.”

“Erend.”

“I tried to find you,” said the Oseram. “I heard you had disappeared. I searched all day. And then my buddy told me you were suddenly back, in a meeting with Avad, so I went to the palace where _he,”_ he thrust his hatchet at Nil, “was waiting, leaning against the stairwell with his arms crossed like he owned the damned place. Said I had no business butting into matters that weren’t mine.”

“You don’t,” Aloy said.

“You’re my friend,” he said.

“That doesn’t mean you can tear apart a city simply because I went for a walk,” she said. “I was in audience with Avad, Erend. You know the consequences for disturbing the Sun King during council.”

His eyes pleaded with her. “I was worried, okay?”

Aloy turned to Nil. “What happened next?”

“Your _friend_ believed that a thunderjaw could sneak passed a stalker,” he said. “My shadow was on him before his heel touched stone. I reminded him his position and advised he returned to his own affairs. Apparently, he was determined to make yours his. Next thing I knew, his snarl was snapping down at me and his talons were snatching at my armor.”

Aloy shot Erend a glare. He at least had the decency to look sheepish.

“I had only intended to talk to him at first,” he said. “I tried to keep my word and suffer him like you asked, but that look he got in his eye, the way he spoke to me, as if he knew you better… my fist found his face before I knew it. Then his knife glinted and my fingers were around my axes.

“Our minds left us then, focused solely on the give and take of battle. He never gave me a chance to even think about what I was doing. He was a flurry, a blur that I had to constantly look for.” The angry flush that had dominated Erend’s face had somehow morphed into something more… mollified?

Aloy sighed. “I understand your concern, Erend, but you can’t lose your head over something like this. You were out of line to take out your frustrations on Nil. At the very least, you should know that I am perfectly capable of looking after myself.”

“I do,” Erend protested. “I just—”

“There are no exceptions here,” she said. “You either trust in me or you don’t. And you.” She whirled upon Nil. “What were you thinking?”

“A prodded Ravager will always lunge,” he said casually.

“You didn’t have to do it with a knife,” she hissed.

“You should know my thirsts by now,” he replied. “I would sooner embrace the void than turn down a good battle.” He met Erend’s gaze. “And a good battle it was, wasn’t it, Vanguard?”

The Oseram huffed, but could not hide the quirk of his lips. “You gave as much as you got.”

“I’ve had enough of this,” Aloy grumbled. She put a hand on Erend’s shoulder and shoved him in the direction of the palace. “Go get Avad’s healers to treat your wounds. Nil, we’re going to Olin’s. I’m not done with you yet.”

 

[Buy Me a Coffee](https://ko-fi.com/A14822WW)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pretty proud of myself for not waiting a month between updates even though I was sick for like, a week.  
> As always, thank you all for the lovely words of encouragement, the flattering reviews, and the generous donations. I am so grateful for every kudos, comment, and coffee you beautiful people give me. <3


	17. Various Revelations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Anniversary!

Aloy’s face was unreadable as she shut the door behind them. She moved into the living quarters where Nil was already standing and waltzed up to him.

“Sit,” she said, placing her hands on his shoulders to force him down onto the lounger. He sat obediently, a curious gleam in his face as he watched her, as if he was waiting for her to lunge at him in an enraged fury. As if he craved it.

But instead, she moved away, going instead to a wicker basket in the corner that was full of linens. Grabbing one of the smaller squares of fabric, she moved to the washbasin along the wall and dunked it. She wrung it out before returning to Nil.

She pushed the wet cloth into his hand. “Clean yourself up.”

Again, he did as she said, grasping the rag and bringing it up to his chest. Carefully, he ran the cloth across his wounds, revelling in the sting as he wiped off the cracked flakes of blood along his kin. His eye never left Aloy’s, wondering what was brewing beneath her surface, anticipating her delicious wrath, marveling at the way she was looming over him, gaze pinning him in place, eyes flickering down to watch the trail of a water droplet glide down his chest only to snap back to his face a quart-breath later.

“You’re going to make a mess of yourself if you keep scrubbing your wounds as if you were mauling a bandit’s torso. Give it here.” She tugged the cloth out of his hand to rinse it once and brought it up to a split in his nose.

She dabbed at his gashes gingerly in silence for a number of moments before finally asking, “Why did you do it?”

“Do what?” he asked.

“Start a fight with Erend so he would like you.”

Nil snorted, wincing a second later as it irritated the welt on his bridge. “I hardly think the Oseram’s spat curses were spoken out of affection.”

“He stopped when I intervened,” she said. “If he hated you like he did when we first entered the city, he would have shoved me away and continued hacking at you with those hatchets of his. You can’t fool me, Nil. You didn’t cut his face.”

He simply shrugged. “From my all-embracing experience, those who taste your blood are less likely to spill it.”

“So you just let people slice into your skin until they’re your friends?” she asked incredulously.

“Only a handful of times,” he said. “The army held solidarity highly; you could not win a war as a divided force. Afterwards I cared very little of what others thought of me. A stark few bear the right.”

“We both know Erend is not one of them,” she said.

“No,” he replied, looking into her. “But I have come to care very deeply about how his Nora friend regards me.”

She paused in her dabbing to let a warm wave flow through her. Nil was staring into her eyes, all genuine fondness and respectful admiration. She had seen this look on a few others before him, but it hadn’t been since Rost that the expression had actually influenced her. She found herself smiling; a gentle, glowing smile that seemed to tingle throughout her entire body.

“Thank you,” she said, resuming her cleaning of his wounds. “Although I still think instigating the fight was a terrible idea.”

He shrugged again. “Time has already swallowed the moment.” 

* * *

 

The two of them were summonsed to the palace that night. The pretense had been for supper, but Aloy had a feeling she would also be given a lecture to chew.

She was still bristly at the notion of being told where to eat her meals, she wasn’t sure she could handle yet another overbearing speech about how she was expected to followed the king’s every will and whim. She was Nora, not Carja, and an independent woman. Avad had not smothered her or put her in chains, but she knew his advisors and people of the court were fully aware of her disobedience to his Radiance and some of the higher-ranking counsellors would not hesitate to highlight every single one of her faults.

When they arrived however, the only eyes staring at her were kind. The few souls in the room were the friendlier servants offering polite nods from their positions along the wall, Avad at the head of the table, and Erend on his left. The sight of the Oseram was mildly surprising. Of course, he was the king’s guard and trusted friend, but she had assumed he would abstain from sharing a dinner table with the man he had just tried to mangle with steel earlier that day.

Avad stood when he noticed them arrive. Erend followed suit.

“Aloy, Nil,” the king greeted. “Thank you for joining us.”

“Your Luminance should rather thank his city guard for herding us here,” Nil said. 

Avad’s face did not portray apology nor anger. He simply said, “This is no simple meal. Please sit.”

Aloy and Nil slid each other a wary glance before taking their seats. Aloy sat on Avad’s right as he indicated, Nil slipping in beside her. Erend was oddly silent across from them.

“Now,” Avad said,” I am famished. Let us partake.”

With a wave of his hand, the servants brought forward platters filled with various foods and placed them on the grand dining table. It was all succulent fruits, fresh bread, and glazed meats –enough to make any mouth water, but Aloy’s appetite was elsewhere.

“Why are we here, Avad?” she asked. “Why is this an important meal?”

The king leveled her with his gaze, his row knit together. “I will discuss nothing while stomachs are empty. You especially should know the importance of nourishment for the mind and body and I will not have you bounding off again without a proper meal. Eat.”

The rarity of Avad to take such a terse tone with her had Aloy reaching for goose.

After a few sunmarks of silent eating, Nil threw a newly-cleaned bone onto his plate loudly. “I think we have consumed enough to satiate your Radiance,” he drawled. “Now if you please, you’ve kept us in shadow long enough.”

Avad heaved a sigh and rested the vine he was plucking berries from onto his plate. His expression pulled tight as if the words he was about to speak were about to physically pain him. “If the matter were left up to me, you would remain there until Aloy is completely healed and rehabilitated, but as you both seem determined to go against my wishes and have an obscene lack of self-awareness, my options appear to have been whittled down to locking the pair of you behind bars or setting you loose. And since I do not wish to incur the wrath of Aloy the Nora, I seem to only have one choice.”

He paused, rearranging himself in his chair, taking a more regal position. He stared down the two of them. “Let me again make it clear that it is not my wish to send you into a perilous situation, your health notwithstanding, but the people of Meridian, of the villages nearby, are in danger. They are being attacked.”

“More bandits?” Nil said. “It will be a pleasure to purge their filth from this realm.”

“It’s more than bandits,” Erend spoke at last, his voice low. “It’s the machines.”

Aloy frowned. “If this is about the pack of scrappers, we already dealt—”

“It’s not about the scrappers, Aloy,” Avad said, his mouth pulled into a grim line. “Machines are attacking people. Watchers, stalkers, ravagers, behemoths, all of them are breaking from their normal behaviors to target campsites, hamlets, even smaller cities. They easily cleave through anything in their way… or anyone. And they are never alone.”

“Humans are always with them,” Erend said. “They’re not just opportunists either, taking advantage of the rampaging monsters. Our reports say it is always the same men, fighting alongside the machines, just like the Eclipse did.”

“But the Eclipse are no more,” Aloy protested. “We defeated Hades. The corruption is gone.”

Avad shook his head. “It is not a matter of corruption. These machines carry the blue light.”

The divot in Aloy’s forehead deepened. “How is that possible?”

“We are unsure,” said the king. “That is why you were first summoned. You seem to be the closest possible equivalent to an expert in this matter that we have.”

“If there are people in danger, I will help in whatever way I can,” she said. A glimmer rose through the somberness in her chest.

That fateful look returned to the king’s expression. “We know.” He turned to Nil. “We are also aware that machine hunting is not your aptitude.”

“Dispatching the blight that beckons them is,” he grinned, the hungry flash already returning to his eyes. “I will always accompany Aloy’s bow. If she permits me.”

He slid his gaze to her hopefully. She nodded.

“Very well. I will have provisions prepared for you both. You shall depart in the morning.” Avad stood, the others scrambling to rise with him. “Before we adjourn to retire for the night, Aloy, I wonder if I might speak to you privately.”

“Of course,” she said, quietly clenching her teeth at the thought of another chastisement.

She met Nil’s eyes again before excusing herself and following the Sun King. She fell into step half a pace behind him.

He led them out of the palace and onto the terrace. The setting sun swaddled the skyline in beautiful hues of orange and pink. A gentle breeze gave life to the quiet evening.

Avad stopped at the balcony’s edge, gazing into the horizon. Aloy came to rest beside him.

She waited for him to speak, but for a while he seemed content to breathe in the sunset.

“It goes against the very make of me to not ask you to stay,” he said finally, eyes still locked on the warm clouds. “But I know you are not happy here.”

“It’s not that I am unhappy,” she said quietly.

“You feel your place is not here,” he finished for her.

She was silent for a moment. Then, “No.”

“Where is your place, Aloy?”

That was the question, wasn’t it.

“I…” she struggled. “I’m not sure I have found it yet.”

Avad simply nodded, finding the answer sufficient. The wind lightly rustled his hair.

“I had intended on asking you to be queen, you know.”

Aloy choked on her saliva.

A small smile pulled the king’s lips. “That’s not quite the reaction I was hoping for.”

“ _Me?_ ” She sputtered.

“Yes,” he said. “You’re courageous, loyal, and headstrong. All good qualities for future leaders. Not to mention your unwavering sense of morality and dedication to those around you.” He ducked his head, suddenly sheepish. “And of course I have always found you admirable if not appealing. Marad let slip a joke once or twice about my infatuation with you. He’s incorrigible.”

There was a moment of stillness, a pause where Aloy could not find the appropriate words.

Avad continued. “But I know you despise ruling. Even if you did accept my proposal, whether out of affection for me or duty to the people, but would be as if you were shackled here, a bird fluttering against the bars of a cage, longing to spread its wings and soar. I couldn’t do that to you. I can’t do that to you.”

“You’ve been doing it since I arrive,” she grumbled.

Avad chuckled. “That’s different. You came to me in stitches. But I do admit I went about it the wrong way. I just worry.” He smiled. “Besides, I’m sending you out on a dangerous mission. Surely that earns your favour?”

A grin crept up her face. “It’s a start.”

  


[Buy Me a Coffee](https://ko-fi.com/A14822WW)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe it's already been a year since I started writing this story! It has been such a joy and a pleasure to share this labor of love with all of you. Thank you for your continued support and praise. I hope you continue to stick with me until the end of this adventure.


	18. A New Chorus

Talanah came by with their packs within the hour. Avad had provided more than a week’s worth of cured meat and dried fruit as well as a pouch full of Salvebrush and several rolls of fresh linen for bandages. Two hefty canteens were tucked in on the side, sloshing every time the packs were jostled.

“I’m surprised he didn’t send a caravan,” Talanah smirked, handing the rucksacks over.

“I wouldn’t have taken it,” Aloy said.

“I know,” the Hawk chuffed. “You’re in for quite the adventure though. I wish I could come along.”

“Why don’t you?”

Talanah shrugged. “There’s too much to do at the Lodge. Now that I’m Sunhawk, I have a lot more responsibilities. I’m not going to go bounding into the wilderness like Ahsis when the hunters need guidance. I refuse to be a selfish leader like that bloated pretender.”

Aloy smiled. “You’re going to be the best Sunhawk Meridian has ever seen, Talanah.”

“Of course I am,” she said. “And you’re going to save the world twice.” Stepping forward, she enveloped Aloy in her arms, giving her a little squeeze. “Fly with the wind at your back, my Thrush. Make me prouder of you than ever before.”

 

When the first light of the morning touched the ground, Aloy and Nil awoke. Without a word, they rose from the bed and began gathering their things.

They moved with a quiet buzz, the air charged with an excited electricity. Finally, _finally_ , they were getting back to the life of action they had started more than a moon cycle ago. They had only seen a handful of combats before the gash in Aloy’s flesh caused everything to come to an abrupt halt, but the memory of how it felt to fight alongside each other, that sweet thrill of adrenaline, was still very clear in their minds. And they craved it.

When they had their bellies full and their packs slung over their shoulders, there was a knock on the door.

Already on their way out, they opened it to find Erend.

He was standing in front of the door, feet together, hands clasped in front of him, looking very… small. Or at least as small as Erend could look. He kept his head down but raised his eyes to meet them, the epitome of professionalism with a tinge of contriteness.

“Avad could not see you off,” he said, voice even. “He sends his apologies and his blessing.”

Aloy nodded. “I understand.”

There was a moment of silence where it looked like the Oseram had more to say but did not move to speak. Nil raised an eyebrow at the man, looking to Aloy for direction. She shot back an equally perplexed look.

“Well,” she began tentatively, “we have to get going, Erend, so if there’s nothing else—”

“Let me come with you,” he said.

A hush fell over the threshold.

“Are you serious?” Aloy finally asked, incredulous.

“Absolutely,” Erend replied. “Look, I know I haven’t been acting the best lately –apparently my ghosts have a stronger hold of me than I thought— but that doesn’t mean I’ve lost my sense of duty. This mission is vital. Hundreds of lives are at stake.”

Aloy crossed her arms. “Are you saying that we can’t handle it ourselves?”

“I’m saying I want to help.”

“Who is offering?” she asked warily. “Erend the Vanguard or Erend the friend? Because one has not been holding up to their title.”

The man waited a moment to accept the reality of her words, but did not address them. “Both of them. All of them. I offer my body as Erend the Oseram.”

Aloy’s irritated frown softened, but she did not yet relent. “Not even a quarter day has passed since I ripped you off of Nil. How do you think you’re going to be able to travel with him without strangling him along the way?”

“When you broke up our fight in the lower city, the look on your face was one of disappointment and reproach,” Erend said, voice low. “I will not suffer such a look from you again. I vowed it to myself and now I vow it to you.”

Aloy glanced at Nil who in turn shrugged in deference to her judgement.

She was silent for a great deal of time until she turned her eyes back to the Oseram.

“You will comply with my orders,” she said. “Captain though you may be, you do not outrank me on this, Erend. If I say charge, you charge. If I say hide, you hide. If I say run, you run. Got it?”

For a moment, the man looked like he was about to argue, but he kept his mouth shut. After a beat he nodded. “Yes, I understand.”

 

Marrow Bane was waiting for them outside the city gate.

A huge grin split Nil’s mouth as he came to the machine. Running a hand over its neck, he gave its withers an affectionate pat.

“You did not mention that the blue light lingers,” he said to Aloy.

She shrugged. “It didn’t come up.”

Erend quirked a brow. “What’s so special about this one? I’ve seen you ride dozens of striders.”

“It’s Nil’s,” she said. “When we first started traveling, I overrode it for him.”

“He’s as loyal as a knife,” Nil said, stroking the beast’s muzzle. “It was astride his back that we arrived in Green River.”

“What happened in Green River?” Erend asked.

“Don’t ask,” she said.

“As valiant a stead as he is, Marrow Bane cannot withstand three riders.”

“We’ll get extra mounts. There’s a broadhead site just beyond the gate.” Aloy turned to Erend. “Ready to ride your first machine?”

A smirk slid up the Oseram’s face. “Hell yeah.”

 

The first time Erend mounted the broadhead, he nearly fell off. Actually, it was more like a half-fall, half-jump off the beast. The feel of moving metal under him was so foreign, so frighteningly _new_ , that it took all he had to fight his instincts and remain on the machine.

“Rabbit-heart he is not,” Nil commented from astride Marrow Bane.

A habitual scowl fell over Erend. “I’m the leader of the Vanguard. Of course a hunk of iron isn’t enough to scare me.”

“I can only read what is given to me,” Nil said with a shrug.

Erend humphed but cast a side-long glance at Aloy and said nothing.

“Where are we heading, anyway?” said the Nora. “Do we have any leads as to where the rogue machines even are?”

“Last we heard, they were heading west of here, past Brightmarket,” Erend said.

“Great,” Aloy muttered. “Stalker territory.”

“Nothing we haven’t handled before,” Erend boasted. “What’s the worst that could happen?”

 

Three darts whizzed from the forest and into Erend’s chest, knocking him backwards off his broadhead.

He landed with a thud on his stomach and wheezed as the wind rushed from his lungs. He hissed out a curse through rattled teeth as he tried to regain his bearings. He sucked in tiny breaths to replace the air he lost and struggled to his feet.

Aloy dismounted to his right, whirling from her own broadhead into her familiar battle stance. “You okay?”

Erend grunted in response.

“One stalker to the north-east,” Nil said, leaping off Marrow Bane. “Another slinking along the shadows to our left.”

“There are _two_ of those things?” Erend wheezed.

Aloy touched a hand to her focus. “Make it three. There’s another trying to flank us.”

Erend gulped down three deep breaths, the burn in his lungs receding. “What’s the plan?” he said.

Another volley of darts hurled out of the woods, narrowly missing the Oseram’s head as he ducked out of the way.

“Three of them, three of us,” Aloy said, notching her bow. “One on one sounds good to me.”

“Interested in making a wager of things?” Nil asked, brow quirked as he twirled a blade in his fingers.

Erend gaped. “Please tell me you’re joking.”

“Now probably isn’t the best time, Nil,” Aloy said. Taking out a flask of blaze on her hip, she doused her arrow tips, peering at Erend. “Watch the grass, not the air. Their stealth generators make the stalkers invisible to the naked eye, but they’re still there. The ground gets compressed by their paws; aim for those spots.”

“Uh, sure,” Erend said, pulling out his Warhammer. Looking over his shoulder, Aloy was already loosing arrows into the thicket and sidestepping darts while Nil was nowhere to be seen. The Oseram swallowed thickly and rolled his shoulders. He and his men had taken out dozens or machines before. These now-you-see-me-now-you-don’t cats couldn’t be that tough.

Following Aloy’s advice, Erend scanned the ground off to his right, watching for movement in the blades of grass. He crept through the foliage, keeping his back to the tall tree trunks that littered the woods. In the distance he heard arrows whizzing, the crunch of metal, and an unholy mechanical bellow followed by the whoosh of pistons, automated weapons being fired, and the roar of a Nora.

The brush of weeds to the east caught his eye and Erend immediately pounced. Reeling his hammer over his shoulder, he brought the entire force of his body onto the spot he prayed the stalker crouched. Sure enough, his weapon clashed with steel and wires, sending jolts up his arm from the aftershock. The beast staggered but did not fall. Instead, it turned on Erend, flashing its eyes and grinding out a menacing whirr.

Erend only had time to take a step back from the creature before its whip-like tail swung around and caught him in the side. The sheer velocity of the impact launched the Oseram across the clearing until he landed back-first into a tree. He groaned at the impact, attempting to shake the spots out of his vision.

Through the stars blurring his eyes, he saw the machine stalking towards him. His hand clenched around the hammer laying by his side as he willed his muscles to work, to raise the weapon and bring it down on the beast’s metal skull. His arm burned in protest however, and the stalker continued to prowl in his direction.

The machine glowered. It emitted a chattering snarl as it flexed its razor claws and made to swipe –

Only to drop to the ground.

Erend’s muscles remained tense even as the stalker’s light faded, his mind having trouble catching up to his eyes. The machine was silent, now a crumpled mess of metal and glass shards littering the forest floor. A Carja arrow stuck out of it’s power cell.

Nil dropped from a tree.

“Two breaths and a swing later and you would have dimmed its light on your own,” he said.

Erend frowned. “Then why did you interfere?”

Nil shrugged. “Thought you may be keen on keeping all your limbs. Come, let’s find Aloy. I’m sure she’s growing bored waiting for us, and there is only so much salvage to glean from stalkers before she gets impatient.”

 

[Buy Me a Coffee](https://ko-fi.com/A14822WW)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To all the patient and lovely readers out there who haven't sent me "hurry up and update" messages, you're the best. The response and support to this story has been amazing. I'm glad you're all enjoying reading it as much as I love writing it. Sorry things are still crazy busy on my end and updates don't happen as frequently as we would all like them it, but thanks for sticking around!  
> As always, another big thank you to those who leave reviews and donations! It's very kind of you!


End file.
